Should I Stay or Should I Go

This is my 241 posting. Cant believe I've been blogging since 2005. My blog will be 5 years old come Sept 2010. I've still got so much to say and write but sometimes I just dont have the energy to type them out.

The blogging community has changed so much. I missed my blogger friends who used to update their blogs at least 3 times a week! Now nak post once a month pun payah! Myself included. I know some friends who actually check on how I'm doing by reading my blog. If I write about something that upsets me, these friends will actually email/text me to ask me whether I'm alright and I appreciate that very much. Most of my friends are on my fb/twitter lists but some are not. So blogging is the only way for me to let them know that I'm alive and well.

Hubby posted something on his twitter. He said, "Hmmm...in d last month, added 2 new nephews back home. 2 more coming frm d wife's side. Wondering when it wld be our turn".

I felt so sad reading his tweet. We both want children so badly. But I dont want to dwell on it. We will just have to do everything in our power to make that happen. InsyaAllah.

In the meantime, I'm so thankful to have wonderful, cute and smart nieces and nephew to make me happy. I think I would go crazy if they're not around. Pic below is of my nephew. He's 5 years old and this year has started going to kindie. Looks like an angel but OMG! suka menjawab!

The one below is taken at the mosque during my cousin's akad nikah. The one in orange is my 4 year old niece and the one in green is my 2 year old niece. Yup, my life would definitely be incomplete without them.

Al-Fatihah for Tok Ayah...

My grandfather, Tok Ayah passed away on Monday the 21st June 2010 at 11.45 am at the age of 83. I wrote about how the passing of my grandma (click here), Tok Yang had affected him so much. Before he died, he often cried himself to sleep thinking about my grandma. He missed her so much that after she died that he doesnt seemed to have a will to live.

Tok Ayah had diabetes. A very bad one. He had been struggling with the disease for a few years even before my Tok Yang passed away. It got worse after Tok yang died. He just didnt care about his health anymore, because Tok Yang wasnt around to lovingly nag him when he had more than a cup of teh tarik or a bar of chocolate. Losing Tok Yang was very hard for him. My Tok Ayah was a man of few words. He doesnt nag, he doesnt get angry and most importantly he was a loving grandpa.

When I was 10 and 11 years old, my parents left for US and UK to do their masters. They left me and my bro in my grandparents' care because they said that they couldnt bring all 4 of us with them.

When I was in Standard 4, I was schooling in the morning session and every Monday there was extra classes. So every Monday we had to go home at 4pm. There were 2 recesses, one at 10 am and another one at 1.30pm. Every Monday without fail my Tok Ayah would send a pack of nasi campur to me at 1.30pm and then he would pick me up from school at 4pm on his motorbike. I would hug him tightly where the journey from my school to my house took about half an hour. So from Mon to Fri, without fail Tok Ayah would pick me up from school and I would go home with him on his motorbike. I loved riding on his motorbike. It was like an adventure and sometimes when I was too tired I would actually fall asleep hugging him on that bike.

When I was staying with my grandparents, they fed me so well that 2 years after my parents came back from overseas they were shocked to see that their only daughter had put on so much weight that she was unrecognisable to them! My mom was shocked when she met me at the train station coz I was so fat! Hehehe...Well, what do you expect? When I was sad and missing my mom, my Tok yang would cook for me. I was never hungry when I lived with them.

I miss Tok Yang and Tok Ayah so much! Tok Yang was the one who started calling me "sherieza" and the name stuck until now. Whenever I went back to their place in Sg Petani, Tok Yang would already started thinking of what to cook for us. Tok Ayah would be sitting in his favourite chair and smiled and greeted us as we came through the door no matter at what hour. They would actually get out of bed and greet us at the door!

I regretted not visiting Tok Ayah so often after Tok Yang died. I was busy with my married life and I didnt spend as much time as I would like to with Tok Ayah. That was the only thing I regretted most. Tok Ayah was the gentlest soul I've ever known. Even when he was cheated out of his inheritance he was cool about it. He didnt fight or made noise because he believed Allah is Great and those people will get their punishment from god.

He was also an expert silat master. He was strong when he was young and could take out anyone easily, be it 1 or 10 men at one time.

My Tok Ayah was such a patient man. Do you know what he said when the nurses came to sponge bath him at blardy 5am while the aircond was in full blast? He said, "Takpalah, dah keja depa." The bloody doctor didnt even detect that he had pneumonia! How can one not contract pneumonia if one was given a sponge bath at blardy 5am and all clothes was removed while the aircond was blasting full force and one was not wearing anything for an hour???!!! Arrghh!! When my aunt told me all this stories it made me sooooo mad I felt like going to the hospital and punch the doctors and nurses there! But when all that was happening my Tok Ayah never complained. He simply took it. He didnt tell us how much pain he was in when the nurses was jabbing a tube down his throat to check for ulcers in his stomach, he didnt complain about how the nurses had woken him up for sponge baths everyday at 5am and he didnt complain about his bed sores while he was in the hospital.

His last words to my aunties before he slipped into a coma and passed away the day after was, "Jangan risau, Ayah okay". Even then he wanted to assure us that he was going to be okay. He went peacefully. In a way I'm happy he went because at least he wasn't in pain anymore but at the same time it was really sad losing him.

Rest in peace my dear Tok Ayah. Semoga Tok Ayah ditempatkan di kalangan orang yang beriman. My prayers are with you always. Al-fatihah...

The day the snoring stopped...

I've been on MC for the past 2 weeks. And I'm happy to report that I've lost 4 kilos all due to the tonsillectomy operation I had undergone 2 weeks ago. No joke okay. Not being able to eat hot and spicy food is really killing me. Not only did I undergo tonsillectomy operation, the doctor also did a septoplasty operation on me. Basically he took out a crooked bone in my nose. He said he had to do it to clear the air passage in my nose so I could breath better. He also cleared up my sinus. The operation took almost 4 hours and recovery process is very long. I have been enjoying copius amount of ice cream...like a week after the op. Right after the op, even swallowing water hurts.The first few days I could only eat porridge and soup. Then a friend who had undergone the op had told me that I have to try and eat solid food so I can get rid of the whitish coloured slough on my throat and get better. It was tough swallowing rice. I felt like a thousand knives were cutting through my throat.

Now 2 weeks after the op I can eat solid food but still no hot and spicy food. Im really craving for nasi lemak with sambal paru. Sigh.

Dalam MC tu sempat lagi pegi tengok Spirit of Rugby Challenge 2010 at the Kelana Jaya Stadium. For the first time I saw The Classic All Blacks did the haka and I shook hands with the legendary Jonah Lomu. He looked so much older and not so energetic. But it was funny to see that everytime he got the ball (which was not so often) the crowd would go crazy and cheered for him like mad. I guess he is still considered one of the greatest rugby player ever.

That was about the only excitement I got during my 2 weeks mc. I dont even know why I went to the rugby match, considering I cant even shout and cheer. I guess I was just so bored at home that I would give anything to get out of the house.

I'll be back at the office next week. And I promise you when I start work I'd be bitching about it and will be telling my colleagues how I miss staying at home, eating ice cream and watching all the tv series. So far I've finished The Good Wife, Supernatural Season 5 and True Blood season 2 and starting on 1st epi of season 3. Think now I'm gonna start on Gossip Girl Season 3, Grey's Anatomy Season 6 and Life Unexpected. Best kan duduk rumah? hehehe...

Freddy's Coming For You

When I was about 9 years old I was chased and bitten by a puppy. That incident traumatised me so much that until now I'm afraid of puppies, no matter how cute and adorable they are. I'm also afraid of dogs as a result of that wretched puppy who bit my leg.

I've also known a friend who got into a really bad accident and it took him years before he could get into a car, let alone apply for a driver's license. We would sometimes kutuk him (behind his back of course) and say that it is sooo tak macho for a man who is in his late 30s who cant drive a car and expect his date to pick him up everytime. I guess he got over his fears now becoz I heard he got his license and bought himself a Volvo.

What is it about traumatic experience that leaves us paralysed with fears? Is it really all in our mind? How do we overcome such fears? I've always heard people say, "it's mind over matter". Oh well, it depends on how strong a person's mind is I guess. And it would also depend on whether they are willing to get over that fear.

There's also this friend of mine who is supposedly afraid of cats. Some would say it's a stupid thing to be afraid of, I mean come on! How scary can a cat be right? We would always teased her and say that she's "mengada-ngada" because everytime she sees a cat she would scream bloody mary and jump on a chair. And because she's so pretty guys would always come to her rescue and chase the cat away. Pfffftttt! We would talk amongst ourselves and say that she's pretending to be afraid of cats and was only doing that to get attention. Thinking back now I genuinely believed that she was not really afraid of them cats. She was just "geli" with their "bulu". Hehehe...

So anyway, what I am trying to say here is that I'm not willing to get over my fear of dogs and cockroaches. Lantaklah apa korang nak cakap. Word.

To Lend or Not To Lend

A friend, lets call him A once called me up and asked me whether he should lend money to another friend of ours, lets call him B and how much should he lend to B. I told A, if he wants to lend money to B just because B is a friend and he wants to help a friend out then he should lend to B an amount which he knows that even if he doesnt get back the money he would be okay with it and that it won't ruin his friendship with B. In other words, "kira burn/halal la".

Lending money to friends or even relatives is a tricky thing. On one hand you really want to help your friend out but on the other hand if that friend doesnt pay you back then it could ruin your friendship with that person. Say you make it a point to only lend money to good friends but how does one define a "good friend"? Someone whom you've known since childhood? Someone you've known since you first worked at the office 5 years ago? If that friend has a history of not paying back his debt then you know you should not be lending him money. But what if he's never borrowed any money from you before?

Say you've lent your friend the money and when the time has come for him to pay, he somehow "forgot" (give benefit of the doubt jugak la kan) to pay. So you text him reminding him to pay. No reply. Then you call him but he didnt pick up your calls. He didnt even reply your text messages. So what now? Takkan la nak bagi dia 100 ribu kali missed call. Nanti orang ingat hadap sangat dengan that hutang but the truth is, you really do need to get back the money. So what else can you do? Nak report police over la pulak if he only borrowed tak sampai RM2K for example.

What I want to know is, how do you decide whether or not to lend money to friends or relatives? What is the deciding factor?

Bikin Filem

I like watching malay dramas. That is like my guilty pleasures. I enjoy watching Adamaya, Mertua vs. Menantu, Nur Kasih, all the horror dramas like Ku Seru, Penunggu Gunung Raya and Jangan Pandang Belakang and the occasional Redah Kasi Pecah. Yes, I watch cerita melayu. So what?? I dont care if people say I'm lame for watching those dramas. Some people think jatuh martabat tengok cerita melayu, except when it's directed by Allahyarhamah Yasmin Ahmad. Why is that? There are so many good malay directors out there like Afdlin Shauki, Mamat Khalid (yes! I enjoyed all his movies okay! so sue me!), Shuhaimi Baba, Aziz M. Osman and Amir Muhammad (although I thought Susuk was confusing but hey! it was somewhat interesting). Just because we have the likes of Yusuf Haslam and Razak Mohaideen in the film industry, that doesnt mean all malay movies sucked.

Sometimes I cant stand arrogant people and posers who think they're above it all, you know the ones who proudly say they dont watch malay movies/dramas but I know when they're home alone, they actually watch Gerak Khas! Puhleeess.

I admit there are some malay dramas yang memang kalau you tengok you feel like pulling your hair out, like WTF is this drama all about but not all cerita melayu takder purpose. Some do have good pengajaran like you should take good care of your parents, dont sakitkan their hati and jangan dok menangkan your wife jer (which happens a lot in malay families), or jangan pinjam from along or else kena potong jari...u know those kind of pengajaran :P

So lastly I would like to say Filem Kita, Wajah Kita. Kalau tak suka tengok, tutup tv saja. Kutuk-kutuk pun tak guna. Kalau ingat terer sangat pegilah buat better drama!

It's Not A Good Friday.

Let me start by saying I am not a saint. I have my flaws. God knows I have my flaws. I'm not perfect. No one is. But I do know where to draw the line. I know that in life whatever you give, be it good or bad you will get back double. It's true what they say, what goes around comes around. So there are a few things that I will never do, not if I can help it.

The top of my list would be, "I would never hurt my husband by having an affair" and/or "I would never wreck someone's marriage by stealing their husband". I despise women who do that. In fact I curse women who has nothing better to do than to kacau rumahtangga orang lain. What goes around comes around. Oh puhlees! Men are also to be blamed. Tepuk sebelah tangan tak berbunyi. Before you even think about cheating on your wife, think about your children. Think about God!

That's all I have to say about that!