Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Rules of Manhood

And you men call us weird..Sheesh!

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella (What is wrong with sharing an umbrella? I don’t get this).

2. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse (I would cry too! She's so hot!)
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth (Ouch!)

3. Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates (Ermm..but wouldn’t you wanna capture those Kodak moments with your buddy?)

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours (What crap is this?)

5. If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional (Seriously? Think this doesn’t apply to metrosexuals)

8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend (no matter how or when you do it, it is still gross, okay!)

11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.

13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or LBW) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.

19. If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours, except if she's withholding s*x pending your response.

21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have s*x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary (this is mean!)

24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey s*x, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours (Utter nonsense!)

26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story (hahahaha..okay, we deserve that if we didnt tell you what we want)

28. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

22 comments:

Freak & Geek said...

gal, where did u get all these? a lil bit nonsense lah.. ok lah mebe a quarter kot.. hehehhe

trueblue said...

Yups...guys can be equally weird. So, they cannot say much about us females. Must learn how to put up with each other's weirdness...Hihi..

Desparil said...

1. i would.. but depends on the guy, the payung size and whether the fate of the world hangs in the balance.

2. yes to all except a & d.

3. not necessarily.

4. yes.

5. see #3

6. no comment

7. yes

8. not unless you dont mind somebody peeing in your car

9. yes if it's football

10. yes

11. no comment

12. see #6

13. no. especially not in prison

14. yes

15. depends

16. yes

17. yes

18. yes

19. yes

20. yes

21. yes

22. yes

23. yes

24. yes

25. yes. unless you're incapacitated.

26. yes

27. or a ps2.

28. unless they're gay


pheww.. that was a long one. did i win anything?

KaiserSoze said...

Hahaha...dont think we're that bad la...give us some credit ok?...

Cosmic_GurL said...

FnG - I think 3/4 of it are true. Hehehe

Trueblue - Thank gawd u agreed with me! Yup, a lil weird is okay I guess

Desparil - Whoaaaaa!! Very detailed one bruder. Cayalah! Tapi sure ada yang tipu punya answer tu...hehehe

Kaisersoze - Yeah u guys are not THAT bad but bad enuff la :p

Matilda said...

desparil sounds like he's in love now as he knows every single thing!

woww.. am pretty impressed!

9 said...

1. sharing an umbrella with another man wud make one look like a faggot. better be soaked or be killed by lightning than look or act like a faggot.

2. a man is allowed to cry in cup finals as well.

7. i hv never bought a present for my guy friends. if it's a girl, then value of such a present wud increase or decrease depending on her hotness level.

25. yes, nonsense. it's totally acceptable for a girl to drive her partner around. when she arrives home, she can preapre dinner for him as well.

hehehehe

Myopia said...

seriously la, I never see men sharing umbrellas!two hot men under an umbrella is sexy, not gay :lol:

Shopper Mom said...

"23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have s*x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary"

Oh this is an absolute nonsense la. they should be able to hold a decently long conversation with her even before they can even get into her pants!

Cosmic_GurL said...

Matilda - I think so too lah! Hehehe

9 - Ahhh...thats why la u nvr see 2 hot, macho guys sharing an umbrella! Woits! No. 25 tu cam perli jer.. :p

Myopia - hahaha...But usually they are gay laa...Des, would you share an umbrella with 9?

SM - Right on! Unless it's Jessy from Msia's Most Beautiful then it applies la kot. LOL!

Desparil said...

tipu? me?? where got???

*puts on most innocent face*

mrsjones said...

rules on men wearing G-strings tak de ke ?? why would they want to wear one is beyond me, tsk tsk...

madnessinvain said...

Ngehahahahaha.

Angel Eyes said...

weh, don't tipu2 ah des... nyeh, nyeh...

=)

X-Eyed Jules said...

15. Unless you are a blogger with a camera and you are running out of things to blog about :)

taichee~@! said...

yoohooo~@!

I'm just passing your blog...weevoo weevoo...tumpang lalu cikkk~@!

love reading your entries *wink*

Vlad said...

Rules of manhood?

Like Biohazard would sing, "Fuck the rules, fuck, fuck, fuck the rules!"

Cosmic_GurL said...

Desparil - Innocent huh? Im sure you are!

mrsjones - Oh yeah kan? Heheh...Prolly gays like to wear them kot

MIV - Must be true then since ure laughing like that :p

Angeleyes - U dont believe Des is innocent too huh? Hehehe

Jules - Hahaha...I read your posting on that.

Taichee - Welkam! welkam! Hehehe..Tenkiu...I aim to please :)

Vlad - Hey! some of it are true and made sense kay. Heheh..Vlad's just grumpy as usual :p

Desparil said...

why la people wont believe me when i tell them i'm innocent? it's the ninja setup, right? maybe i need to change my wardrobe..

sic6sense said...

my manhood has recoiled under 2 boulders after reading this.

zuhri said...

hhihihihahahahaha....ada banyak yang kena la, girl

Cosmic_GurL said...

Desparil - Hahahah...Dude, I dont think it's the ninja setup la...

Sic6sense - Hahahaha...U mean u did 3/4 of which ure NOT supposed to do?? Tsk tsk tsk!

Zuhri - Tulah, I cakap u men are weird but u all tak caya. hahahaha