Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Should An Ex Really Be Axed?

I’m going to see Peterpan perform this Sunday. The Indonesian rock group I mean. Not to be mistaken with Peterpan the musical. Jangan gelak. A friend actually made the mistake of thinking it’s a Disney musical and we laughed at him till no end. Hehehe…

So anyway, my friend is buying the ticket. The friend who recently got divorced i.e. whom I wrote about in my previous post. He asked me whether it’s okay if he invited his ex to the concert. Say whaaaattt??? I have nothing against her. Seriously. She’s very sweet and friendly and I’ve always liked her. I still like her. But I would feel very uncomfortable if she was there. Like what do we talk about? Her work? Yeah, the same work that was the cause of the divorce in the first place, well a big part of it that is. Her daughter? The same daughter that she didn’t want custody of because she wants to concentrate on her work? Hmmm…tricky. Very tricky.

So I told my friend if he wants to invite his ex-wife, go ahead but I rather he not. Am I mean for saying that? I know I’m not a mean person and if she was there I would talk to her and all but it would really, really be uncomfortable and I may not enjoy the concert. I would rather let the dusts settle for a while. Then later if he wants to organise a singles night or whatever then invite her, by all means. They both deserve happiness, right? If not with each other, then probably with other people.

Sigh…seriously, can you ever really be friends with your ex? If it’s an ex-boyfriend, then maybe. Ex-fiancee? A small maybe. Ex-husband/wife? Hmmm…

I mean you’ve seen each other naked! Can you really be friends with your ex-spouse after that? As hard as it is to accept, I think it's difficult to bring a relationship back to its normal state after having been most intimate with someone. You will always have an image of that person naked and memories of it will always be triggered by the smell of her/his skin or perfume, or even by hearing a song that you once made passionate love to or places that you both went to celebrate anniversaries or birthdays.

Another reason why you can’t be friends with your ex is you can’t confide in each other without jealousy coming into play. Like how do you tell your ex that you can’t have coffee with her tonight because you have a hot date or ask your ex how do you tell your current squeeze to shave her armpit hair or her bushy vajayjay?

I have to say that I am in good terms with all my ex-bfs. Good terms here means I don’t contact them unless it’s to invite them to my house during Hari Raya or I would say hello and asked how they’re doing if I bumped into them at another friend’s house or at shopping complexes (meaning I wouldn’t try to avoid them by hiding behind the pillar). There is though one ex-bf whom I don’t think I’ll ever contact, not even to wish him Selamat Hari Raya because there was this one time I bumped into him and his wife at a dinner party and his wife gave me the evil look. Like jeling macam nak terkeluar bijik mata okay! In the words of Leen Ashburn, Pffffttttbbbbhhhhh! (betul ke spelling ni? Hehehe)

So anyway, back to the point of the story, am I being mean for telling my friend NOT to invite his ex-wife? Am I? Am I?