Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Should An Ex Really Be Axed?

I’m going to see Peterpan perform this Sunday. The Indonesian rock group I mean. Not to be mistaken with Peterpan the musical. Jangan gelak. A friend actually made the mistake of thinking it’s a Disney musical and we laughed at him till no end. Hehehe…

So anyway, my friend is buying the ticket. The friend who recently got divorced i.e. whom I wrote about in my previous post. He asked me whether it’s okay if he invited his ex to the concert. Say whaaaattt??? I have nothing against her. Seriously. She’s very sweet and friendly and I’ve always liked her. I still like her. But I would feel very uncomfortable if she was there. Like what do we talk about? Her work? Yeah, the same work that was the cause of the divorce in the first place, well a big part of it that is. Her daughter? The same daughter that she didn’t want custody of because she wants to concentrate on her work? Hmmm…tricky. Very tricky.

So I told my friend if he wants to invite his ex-wife, go ahead but I rather he not. Am I mean for saying that? I know I’m not a mean person and if she was there I would talk to her and all but it would really, really be uncomfortable and I may not enjoy the concert. I would rather let the dusts settle for a while. Then later if he wants to organise a singles night or whatever then invite her, by all means. They both deserve happiness, right? If not with each other, then probably with other people.

Sigh…seriously, can you ever really be friends with your ex? If it’s an ex-boyfriend, then maybe. Ex-fiancee? A small maybe. Ex-husband/wife? Hmmm…

I mean you’ve seen each other naked! Can you really be friends with your ex-spouse after that? As hard as it is to accept, I think it's difficult to bring a relationship back to its normal state after having been most intimate with someone. You will always have an image of that person naked and memories of it will always be triggered by the smell of her/his skin or perfume, or even by hearing a song that you once made passionate love to or places that you both went to celebrate anniversaries or birthdays.

Another reason why you can’t be friends with your ex is you can’t confide in each other without jealousy coming into play. Like how do you tell your ex that you can’t have coffee with her tonight because you have a hot date or ask your ex how do you tell your current squeeze to shave her armpit hair or her bushy vajayjay?

I have to say that I am in good terms with all my ex-bfs. Good terms here means I don’t contact them unless it’s to invite them to my house during Hari Raya or I would say hello and asked how they’re doing if I bumped into them at another friend’s house or at shopping complexes (meaning I wouldn’t try to avoid them by hiding behind the pillar). There is though one ex-bf whom I don’t think I’ll ever contact, not even to wish him Selamat Hari Raya because there was this one time I bumped into him and his wife at a dinner party and his wife gave me the evil look. Like jeling macam nak terkeluar bijik mata okay! In the words of Leen Ashburn, Pffffttttbbbbhhhhh! (betul ke spelling ni? Hehehe)

So anyway, back to the point of the story, am I being mean for telling my friend NOT to invite his ex-wife? Am I? Am I?

25 comments:

diamond baby said...

eh chop! why on earth would your friend wants to date his ex? shouldn't he be moving on with his life? it's great that they can be good friends for the sake of their daughter but I think they both should draw a line somewhere. Coz if they don't, like you said, it will be difficult when one of them finally goes out with another person.

aiyo, if i were you, I would probably do the same thing too.

Cosmic_GurL said...

Nolah, he doesnt wanna date his ex. He just thought it would be a nice gesture to invite his ex..kinda like get the old gang back together...but so tak sesuai kan?

EDDY PURNAMA said...

an ex can never be axed...he/she will always linger....

but you should never invite them to either peterpan the rock concert or the musical.....

Cosmic_GurL said...

EP - Serious ah? Linger forever? Hehehe...mcm talking from experience jer :P

Heard wht u did for your mom...awwww..so sweet la u...For sure dpt title "Anak Mithali" for life! Hehehe

D.N.A.S said...

tak sesuai! tolongla jgn invite his x.
It's going to be a very awkward night for all of you.

Ordinary Bloke said...

Nope i dont think ure being mean. Come on! I would feel uncomfortable too. By the way, I'm going for Peterpan too..the rock concert, not the musical ;)

Cosmic_GurL said...

Dnas - Tulah, I dah cakap kat dia...think he's not inviting her pun...or else it is gonna be awkward

OB - Cool :) Peterpan rawks! Hehehe..

Cik Puan Muda Stress said...

eh..

your friend tu ada hati lagi kot kat ex dia...?

Cosmic_GurL said...

Cik PMS - Nolah I dont think so...he just wants us to be okay with the ex around..i just think it's too soon for us

Jimmy Boy said...

Hey Sher, you are not mean.... you are mean! hehehe... kidding gurl!

But isnt the girl in her edah? And isnt she suppose to not go out or something like that for a certain amount of days?

Why D in the first place? Nanti kalau kuar sama-sama... takut dua-dua 'stim' and then balik rumah pastu 'projek' and realise afterwards that its forbidden make love... then how? aiyaa... i think our friend has to draw a line from being an ex and in to a friend. You can be friend but i think not the kind of friend to go out on a date. Just ordinary friends with no contact. I am sorry but why D in the firts place if you still want to go out on a date? Why bring the ex when you have the options of making another new friend as date... at least there wont be any guilty sex! hehehe...

east43street said...

Divorced, going to concert together and to a date later probably??? Memang tak sesuai. I think both of them are still confused.

Ask your friend to get another date lah...!! Just pick one of your sistah here.

observer said...

I think it's fine...I have inlaw parents who are divorced but live few blocks away and respectively married and still good friends...so, it is normal and the kids turn out good...so, it is all in good intention :)

Cosmic_GurL said...

JimmyBoy - Woits!! Hehehe..Im not mean la...Edah? I think so..3 months but nowadays mana ader orang adhere to tht rule except if the spouse died or something..
Hahahaha..lawak la u..pegi tengok konsert peterpan blh stim ke lepas tu?

East43St - Not confused cuma I think he's trying to be cordial...nak intro him to the sistah2 in here? Caaann..but nak ke diaorang dating dgn duda anak satu? :))

observer - Yup I agree with u..if my friend nak kuar dating with his ex pun I dont really care..just tht I dont want to be there u know wht i mean? ;)

Lynn said...

Honey, you're giving me vivid, and I mean VIVID, visuals. Hahaha!!! But anyways, I don't think it's mean, and for all you know your friend will be thanking you for insisting not having his ex around. I believe ex can be friends, but to a certain degree some awkwardness lies, cuma nak tunjuk or taknak je.

Personally, all exes are off my list, maybe coz they were all bad experience. Friendly exes just happens in tv, but that's just me.

Tell your friend he may have good intention introducing her into their casual life after the divorce, but be reminded that the reasons for the divorce is what makes him unhappy in the first place...

ti.e.na said...

ex should be axed,like,literally.:P

Leen Bakar said...

Ahem, since ada ticket spare, ajak lah saya. Haha. Kidding.

As to your questions:

1) The spelling is OK, so long dia ada pbth in that order, ok la tu hehe.
2) There's too many things to consider before angsa-ing your kreshen. Yew sure he dinch have feelings? Yew sure he's not hoping? If not for love pun maybe for the familiarity and/or care for their child? In any case, whether it's appropriate or not, it's likely to be erm, uncomfortable and messy.

But what do I know? Saya budak gemuk yang suka berangan saja hehehe.

the bar on the side said...

one must not/never ever impose one's values on other people.

Cosmic_GurL said...

Lynn - Hahaha..sorry but tht was wht I kept thinking abt...somehow you can only be friends with your ex if uve found someone who is better looking, smarter and way cooler than your ex! Hahaha..

tiena - Axed anyone lately? :P

Leen - Takdah spare tix la sayang..he didnt buy for his ex...i dont know la if he still has feelings for his ex..when i asked he said no but then again only he knows kan...

BOTS - True. But i dont think thts wht we're talking abt here..im not making judgments..nor am i imposing any values..im just saying tht id be uncomfortable thts all :)

Nour said...

my take would be NO way..be it an ex bf ke, ex fiance ke or ex husband...nahh.

Dont forget to update on the peterpan concert..:)I minatla their songs but cant make it for the concert.

akula said...

Yes, you are mean. Heheh

Nolah, keep in touch with your ex is okay, but keep a distance. I wont bring my ex to a concert even though, like you I have good relationships with them.

BTW, you could always ask your friend to bring me along to the Peter Pan concert in lieu of his ex since you have registered your protest.

:)

trueblue said...

ish..kalau i pun rasa tak comfortable. There would definitely be silent moments.

But then again, its his ex. What can we do kalau dia nak invite jugak. Unless he listens to your advice la. Worst comes to worst, kena berlakon jelah..

kawaii_desu said...

i think he's still thinking of her...

Cosmic_GurL said...

Nour - Peterpan was awesome! Gambar semua i posted on FB :)

akula - No i'm not! Hehehe..bawak u buat apa..nanti org ingat my friend swings the other way plak..hahaha

TB - Yeah, at the end of the day it's his prerogative nak invite ke tak..

KD - Of course la he still thinks abt her..i mean they were married and had a child together..tipulah kalau tak rasa apa2 :)

Faridah-Jane said...

Eh mcm terlambat ke nak komen? Kitorg pas div, no kids trus tak contact pape lagi.. Kitorg seperate pun mutual agreement, tak serasi so we quitlah. Tapi i wud never wana be frens dgn dia lagi...kalo hai2 terjumpa kat luar mebilah i hai je.. I rasa mcm he spoiled a part of my life. so i mmg tanak kawan lagi la.

all jazzed up said...

I pun sangat terlambat nak comment. But anyway, so tak sesuai.. Kalau nak jumpa Ex-spouse.. jumpa la at other occassions.