Monday, April 14, 2008

Another one bites the dust

A friend called me on the phone just now. He said that he’s officially divorced. He had lafaz the talaq this morning and now feeling crappy over the whole situation. But he said it had to be done. It was amicable. Both parties wanted it. They just couldn’t make it work. There were no 3rd party. The ex wanted to focus on her career as a journalist. The ex said she still loves and cares for him as a friend. As a friend. Wow! People usually want out of a marriage if there’s a 3rd party involved or if they’re with an abusive partner. This has got to be the most amicable divorce I’ve ever heard. She didn’t want his money. He was willing to give whatever she wants.

When they were married, he told me that he gave her everything he thought she needed like a big house, a sporty new car and a fat allowance every month. However, he failed to ask her whether that was what she wanted. He assumed that when he gave her all that, she should concentrate more on the family and not her career. But he was wrong. She didn’t want all that. Some of our friends said that maybe because she was too young when he married her. When they got married, his business was doing very well. She however just graduated from university. He was already a successful businessman and he felt having a family would complete his life. I guess he didn’t realise that she was just getting started on her career.

My friend got full custody of their 2 year old daughter but he said she can visit their daughter anytime she wants. He said that he’s been the father AND mother to their daughter ever since she was born as his ex was busy with work. I’ve only listened to his side of the story though.

I wonder if my friend will ever be able to love another person whole-heartedly again. He always joked and said he’ll be out dating immediately after the divorce. I doubt it. My friend is the kind of person that when he falls in love, he falls hard. And he fell really hard for his ex.

I’ve always believe that when someone goes through a painful break up or a divorce, they loose the ability to love again, to really love again like they did the first time I mean. So when they enter a new relationship they will always be cautious because they feel that they are going to be disappointed again. Sometimes, they even "sabotaged" the new relationship without realising it. To me, it’s good to be cautious but not too cautious until you fail to embrace happiness that is staring you right in the face.

Everyone heals in their own special way. I just hope my friend knows that we’re here for him if he ever needs a shoulder to cry on. I hope he knows that falling in love and trusting another human being again will take some time. But I hope he doesn't give up on love.

After all, time heals all wounds, doesn’t it?

*tick tock tick tock tick tock*

28 comments:

Desparil said...

the wound heals... but the scars remain..

Lynn said...

Divorce is saddening, especially so if it's the quiet and peaceful one... I hope they get what they wish for, even the daughter...

ms istanbul said...

hmm, I too asked for separation for reasons not stated in this posting. We both had (still have) different priorities. Mine is to have a balance as a mother and a woman, and I'd prefer someone who prioritise family more than tangible things.

I wish your friend happiness in future. It will come eventually and it doesnt have to be in a form of partnership. I found my peace and happiness in my lil girl. *smiles*

Ordinary Bloke said...

You write so beautifully. Your friend is lucky to have a friend like you.

I too am going through a divorce. The reason is similar to the one in your post i.e. my wife is a workaholic. Maybe we can talk? My email is flippingbloke@gmail.com

east43street said...

Divorce for most people is a taboo. If you look at it in a positive way, it is actually another chance to make amend for 2 persons' mistake. I have a very simple stand. If 2 people could not share their life, no understanding in most of their married life, no give and take, different priorities from each other, then making a separate way is the best option.

Forget the taboo. Most re-married couple have a better life.

I just want to grow old with somebody not nagging behind me.

Daddy & Mummy said...

seb bek i dah kawen uUUuu..kalo x, leh antor resume.. hehehe.. -kidding-

pugly said...

I wholeheartedly agree.

I mean, just because you were badly hurt before, it doesn't necessarily mean that the next person's going to do the same thing to you, does it?

Some people get healed completely, some don't. Yes, it's good to take precautions in life, but not too much that it makes you lose sight of the opportunities to turn things around right before your eyes.

Very good post, Sher. I can totally relate.

diamond baby said...

It does not matter, if he does or does not take the next plunge. What matter most is to make sure their little girl grow up well, emotionally secure with plenty of love from both parents.

Plus with good friends like you...he's in good hand :D

Nour said...

the same thing happened to my cousin, they got married right after uni, and had two lovely kids. However when she started work and just love the thot of having her own career, everything changed. They got a divorce and she is now pursuing her dreams and he my cousin remarried and the kids are with him. Sometimes love is just not enough.

Amy said...

Ex dia workaholic? Beb, I tak workaholic kan? I normal kan? kan? :) One of the reasons I'm taking the risk to change my job. Pray for me ya?

Leen Bakar said...

Tough life yo, these married people have. So many challenges. Me?

Leen Bakar said...

Oh, re: Karaoke. Boleh sajorkkk. Hiks.

Recovering workaholic said...

Oh dear.

I agree. Time, InsyaAllah, heals. For me, relationships do scare me but who says the past has to be the same for the future eh? :)

akula said...

Good post CG. Sometimes letting go is the best thing to do. And I am sure, the decision was made after lenghty consideration and thoughts.

I have no doubt your friend will fall in love again.

Cosmic_GurL said...

Des - Yes, sometimes it's hard to forget because of the scar

Lynn - I think they wanted it to be amicable for the sake of their daughter

Ms istanbul - Yup thts wht my friend is doing..concentrating on his daughter and he's happy with that.

OB - Sorry to hear abt your divorce. But is tht the only reason? Hard to believe

East43St - Well said ma bruder. I know some friends who have re-married and theyre much happier with their lives right now. Sometimes 2nd chances are good :)

D&M - Amboi amboi amboi! :P Cubit kang...hows your baby boy?

Pugly - Yup yup..part of the reason I wrote the post was becoz i realised some of my gfs who had their hearts broken felt very jaded and disheartened to start a new relationship or even go on a date! I think thats not very healthy..but like i said in my post, people heal differently..but must remember that we have to open up our heart sooner or later

AphroditeKuzz said...

please ask him to contact me...
seriously...

Cosmic_GurL said...

DB - Yup ure right! But u know la how some men are. They dont think they can do it alone i.e. raising a kid all by themselves

Nour - The thing is sometimes i think ppl dont try as hard coz divorce is not a taboo thing anymore..so when things dont go according to how they want it to go, theyd rather get a divorce

But yeah i agree with u, if there's no more love then whts the point of staying together

Amy - No lah...u keja tapi im sure tak sampai lupa husb kan? I pray this new job will bring u lotsa happiness Amy :)

Leen - Prob org kawin and org single mmg lain2 tapi beratnyer sama jer

Nanti kita contact2 for karaoke kay :P

RW - Yup, thts the spirit! Dont be afraid to love again :)

akula - Yes, they really thought it through. My friend is a good guy. I have no doubt he'll find love. I just hope it's with the right person

Kuzz - LOL! Jgn dik..kang u jadik rebound kang

ti.e.na said...

i hope ur fren will stay strong for his kids.insyaallah.:)

Cosmic_GurL said...

tiena - Thank you dear. InsyaAllah, we'll make sure of tht :)

Monster Mom said...

I say.. give him 30 days...
Sure merangkak biawak punya...heheh...
He'll find someone new....just pray for his happiness...

gravtkills said...

i agree time heals...maybe not all wounds

kepala_angin said...

we do tend to take things for granted, health, family, clean air and etc. sometimes you don't know how to appreciate what you have until you lose them.

all the best to your friend.

-manusia merancang, Allah menentukan -

katakbesar said...

sorry to hear
of yet another broken marriage

yes, jodoh dan ajal di tangan Tuhan
but, still sad to know

Da Winged Acrophobic said...

May the innocent little girl be unscathed psychologically from her parents' breakup.

Theta said...

I agree with your point about divorce is no longer taboo in this day and age.

I've many cases people our age (cough, cough) opting for divorce rather than trying to work it out. And usually it's not for reasons other than abuse and a 3rd party. But I guess when one's heart is no longer in it, what's the use of staying together.

Sorry to hear about your friend's recent divorce. He's lucky to have a support group like you. :)

kawaii_desu said...

i hate separation...

why must it happen huhu

Daddy & Mummy said...

hah!! semakin nakal!! hehehe..

Cosmic_GurL said...

MM - Merangkak biawak? Tak penah dgr expression tu. Wht does it mean? Hehehe..

gravtkills - yup some wounds take longer time to heal..or maybe it doesnt heal at all..in such a case it becomes puss so no hope already :P

KP - Manusia ni tersgt la suka menrancang kan? Sometimes tak pikir back-up plan. Then when something goes wrong mulalah blame other ppl

KB - Thank you. How's your mom doing?
Btw, I saw all the pics posted on your FB. Sure best dpt jumpa your friends from Msia...Hehehe...now I plak teringin gi Dubai after hearing all the stories from Nuyi

DWA - I hope so too. The little girl doesnt know anything and innocent in all of this

theta - Sometimes I wonder whether it's better that ppl stay married for the sake of the children or decide to split becoz it makes them happier than being in a loveless marriage. There's pros and cons I guess

KD - That's life babe...nothing stay perfect forever :)

D&M - Hehehe..tapi sure manja abis!!!