Friday, September 26, 2008

Of Being Together

It’s just 4 more days to Hari Raya and 2 more days before I fly off to Kuching to celebrate Hari Raya with my in-laws. I won’t lie. I’m not looking forward to spend Raya away from my family but Hubby said something to me last night that made me feel a little bit better. He said that he and I are a family now and it doesn’t matter where we spend Raya, be it in Kuching or Sungai Petani, as long as we’re together, that’s all that matters. He’s right. I wouldn’t dream of spending Hari Raya away from him just to be with my family even though I love my family to death. He also told me he understands my reluctance and sadness but I should not let it consume me and stop me from having a good time while I’m there. He said I should not feel guilty if I happen to enjoy my Raya in Kuching because I will be around people who love me and are excited to show me how Sarawakians celebrate Raya. I felt so much better after hearing all that from Hubby. Thanks sweetie.

On another note, I realised I only received 4 Hari Raya cards this year. I received one from my jeweller, one from my dentist, one from my optometrist and one from my ex-uni mate. Wow! Hehehe…I guess it’s good that we’re not sending anymore raya cards because we will save more trees. I know my colleague Nina would be happy that I don’t go around sending raya cards anymore like I did the previous years because she’s such a tree lover and god knows how many trees I’ve killed over the years.

With that, I would like to wish all my wonderful fellow bloggers Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri and Maaf Zahir Batin. Kalau buat open house janganlah lupa jemput I okay :)

Please have a safe journey home to your kampong. Service your car beforehand and make sure you have enough coffee to keep you awake while driving. Or better yet, get plenty of sleep the night before your journey.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Heartbreak Hotel

“If it's a broken part, replace it.

But, if it's a broken arm then brace it.

If it's a broken heart then face it.”

Jason Mraz said those words in his song “Details in the Fabric”. Well, Mr. Mraz, it’s easier said than done. You can’t replace a broken vase that is 100 years old and was passed down to you by your late great-grandmother.

Same goes with a broken heart. You can’t immediately face it. You need time to swallow all the hurt and bury yourself in it before you can even get up again. You need time to make sense of it all, of the hurt you’re feeling and asking yourself how to ever trust another human being with your heart again after this.

Some men take up to a month max to wallow in all that hurt. Usually they will stay cooped up in the house sleeping and maybe crying their eyes out silently of course, and then after a month they’re already out there partying and going out with different girls every night. And they may have forgotten all about their broken hearts. Or maybe not and they’re in denial.

Not so with women though. We take a very, very long time to heal. We go through different phases of healing to mend our hearts. The first phase is the “crying our eyes out”. It’s non-stop morning, noon and night. We only stop crying when we go to sleep, even then I’ve seen some friends sobbing in their sleep after a fight with their bf. I’m amazed at the amount of fluid women have when it comes to crying. I mean we usually don’t eat and drink during those “mourning” period but the tears that come out can fill a whole bucket a day. That’s why women usually loose weight during these periods. I lost almost 30 kilos so I know what I’m talking about. Anything can trigger it off. Sometimes even when we don’t feel like crying, we would still make ourselves cry by listening to those sad love songs. We inflict pain on ourselves to numb the pain that we’re feeling in our heart. Does that make sense to you? We can’t move to the next level until we have cried our hearts out.

The second phase is the “getting rid of all the things that remind us of the bastard”. Oh don’t take offence guys. All men are referred to as “bastards” after a break-up especially if it’s a bad break-up. Throw away all the mixed CDs the bastard has ever made for you, throw or give away all the teddy bears he has given you, tore up all the love letters and birthday and anniversary cards you’ve ever received from him and cut out the bastard’s face from all the pictures of the two of you together and then burn them. Oh don’t get me wrong, the crying still hasn’t stopped of course but all above needs to be done to accelerate the healing process.

The third phase is probably the most effective one to heal a broken heart and a phase that every woman usually goes through. It’s the “calling all your girlfriends and then bitch about the bastard while eating a tub of Baskin and Robbins” phase, even if the break-up is not 100% because of the bastard. Like who cares? It’s good to get it all out in the open. Even the way the bastard chewed his food will be discussed here and bitched about. Nothing is spared. And I mean N.O.T.H.I.N.G. From the top of his head down to his tiny foot thumb. Ahem. Oh we would still be crying our hearts out when we think about how sweet the bastard can be sometimes like cooking our favourite dish and bringing it to our office when we had to work late. The crying will stop immediately and replaced with anger when our girlfriends tell us that there is a possibility that the bastard could be cooking the dish for some other bitches and not just you.

The fourth and the final phase is getting out of bed and thinking it’s not the end of the world, that you’re better off without the bastard and there are other fish in the sea or better men with bigger foot thumb out there for you. It takes a lot of courage and strength to get to this last phase. With the help of family members or a dad who promised to shoot the bastard if he ever sees him and very close and wonderful girlfriends, one will get through this painful experience and move on.

With that experience, women will be more guarded with their feelings and tend to build a wall around them. That is usually why we take a longer time to fall in love. Some women will swear off men for good while some will make it harder for the next man who is trying to court them. In any case, I will tell these women it’s good to be guarded and careful but that is not how we should live for the rest of our lives. When the opportunity to fall in love knocks on your door you should at least peep through the hole on the door. And if you like what you see then open the door a little bit, get to know the person on the other side. After that if you still don’t think he’s the right one then simply chase him out and slam the door shut. Trust me, the door will be knocked on again. In any case, just trust your instinct and have fun. That’s all you can ever do anyway.