Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Heartbreak Hotel

“If it's a broken part, replace it.

But, if it's a broken arm then brace it.

If it's a broken heart then face it.”

Jason Mraz said those words in his song “Details in the Fabric”. Well, Mr. Mraz, it’s easier said than done. You can’t replace a broken vase that is 100 years old and was passed down to you by your late great-grandmother.

Same goes with a broken heart. You can’t immediately face it. You need time to swallow all the hurt and bury yourself in it before you can even get up again. You need time to make sense of it all, of the hurt you’re feeling and asking yourself how to ever trust another human being with your heart again after this.

Some men take up to a month max to wallow in all that hurt. Usually they will stay cooped up in the house sleeping and maybe crying their eyes out silently of course, and then after a month they’re already out there partying and going out with different girls every night. And they may have forgotten all about their broken hearts. Or maybe not and they’re in denial.

Not so with women though. We take a very, very long time to heal. We go through different phases of healing to mend our hearts. The first phase is the “crying our eyes out”. It’s non-stop morning, noon and night. We only stop crying when we go to sleep, even then I’ve seen some friends sobbing in their sleep after a fight with their bf. I’m amazed at the amount of fluid women have when it comes to crying. I mean we usually don’t eat and drink during those “mourning” period but the tears that come out can fill a whole bucket a day. That’s why women usually loose weight during these periods. I lost almost 30 kilos so I know what I’m talking about. Anything can trigger it off. Sometimes even when we don’t feel like crying, we would still make ourselves cry by listening to those sad love songs. We inflict pain on ourselves to numb the pain that we’re feeling in our heart. Does that make sense to you? We can’t move to the next level until we have cried our hearts out.

The second phase is the “getting rid of all the things that remind us of the bastard”. Oh don’t take offence guys. All men are referred to as “bastards” after a break-up especially if it’s a bad break-up. Throw away all the mixed CDs the bastard has ever made for you, throw or give away all the teddy bears he has given you, tore up all the love letters and birthday and anniversary cards you’ve ever received from him and cut out the bastard’s face from all the pictures of the two of you together and then burn them. Oh don’t get me wrong, the crying still hasn’t stopped of course but all above needs to be done to accelerate the healing process.

The third phase is probably the most effective one to heal a broken heart and a phase that every woman usually goes through. It’s the “calling all your girlfriends and then bitch about the bastard while eating a tub of Baskin and Robbins” phase, even if the break-up is not 100% because of the bastard. Like who cares? It’s good to get it all out in the open. Even the way the bastard chewed his food will be discussed here and bitched about. Nothing is spared. And I mean N.O.T.H.I.N.G. From the top of his head down to his tiny foot thumb. Ahem. Oh we would still be crying our hearts out when we think about how sweet the bastard can be sometimes like cooking our favourite dish and bringing it to our office when we had to work late. The crying will stop immediately and replaced with anger when our girlfriends tell us that there is a possibility that the bastard could be cooking the dish for some other bitches and not just you.

The fourth and the final phase is getting out of bed and thinking it’s not the end of the world, that you’re better off without the bastard and there are other fish in the sea or better men with bigger foot thumb out there for you. It takes a lot of courage and strength to get to this last phase. With the help of family members or a dad who promised to shoot the bastard if he ever sees him and very close and wonderful girlfriends, one will get through this painful experience and move on.

With that experience, women will be more guarded with their feelings and tend to build a wall around them. That is usually why we take a longer time to fall in love. Some women will swear off men for good while some will make it harder for the next man who is trying to court them. In any case, I will tell these women it’s good to be guarded and careful but that is not how we should live for the rest of our lives. When the opportunity to fall in love knocks on your door you should at least peep through the hole on the door. And if you like what you see then open the door a little bit, get to know the person on the other side. After that if you still don’t think he’s the right one then simply chase him out and slam the door shut. Trust me, the door will be knocked on again. In any case, just trust your instinct and have fun. That’s all you can ever do anyway.


The Pisces Man said...

Just as long as it's not a great wall of china kind of wall, ok.. hehe..

valisaiskandar said...

Sometimes though you feel like you have wasted days crying. WASTED. Especially 10 years later when you uhm stumble upon his facebook pix and he is BALD hahahahahaha! Whereas you go to bed and wake up with an Adonis everyday!
I don't believe in walls - I think they make you bitter. Better to salsa away the blues ;-)

Ms B said...

30kgs?!?!? OMG!! were u nuts? I only managed to lose 10kgs and that was only cinta monyet ie so called 1st love. :P

Mine was a bit tricky. I had to maintain my composure thruout as I need to show respect to my girl. Except for my parents, the rest still have no clue what went wrong. And I am still civilised towards the other party.

But yeah, nothing wrong to have fun. (this kinda reminds me of my own posting, "test drive". *LOL*)

ps: just in case if you balik kg early, salam hari raya to u & family!

Anonymous said...


There was this girl I know who could easily fell in love with any guys after a break up..and it won't take long for her to forget the man/men who left her...amazing!

Eid Mubarak.


ectopy said...

i skipped the second phase. well, im the kind of girl who keeps rubbish, konon macam kenang-kenangan. besides, i know i'd be laughing in the future while looking at the 'kenangan'.

and i didnt lose weight either. i wish i had though, nak bagi tragic and dramatic...

30something said...


I never actually disected my post relationships aftermath. I know i'll feel down for some time. Then back to normal. Can't let it effect me physically or emotionally cause i can't afford to let my guard down at work or in front of friends and family.


BabyGD said...

selamat hari raya sis bersama2 in law ;p

jgn syedih2 eh..

j or ji said...

perasaan kecewa itu sama sahaja diantara lelaki dan pompuan.

sifat perempuan itu lemah dan berjiwa lembut,itu fitrahnya..atau dramatic mungkin..jadi bila sampai bab2 kecewa ini, mereka lebih skit.

itu hanya pandangan sahaja.

dulu aku bercinta bagai nak rakk ( memang rak,bukan bagai lagi)..
aku lupa dan tak pernah diingat kan dengan ayat ini "kita hanya merancang,tuhan yg menentukan"
sekali kaboomm..aku terus out.

itu hanya cerita peribadi sahaja.

Cosmic_GurL said...

TPM - Well, dont be surprise but some do have it THAT high and hard :)

valisa - Hahaha..adonis huh? Lucky devil you! But my god that is the best innit? Discovering your ex's partner is not as pretty as you or getting a much better looking partner than your ex...

MsB - hehehe..i was really really overweight last time la...tu yang can go down 30 kilos! I admire your strength in facing everything that has happened to you, esp when a child is involved.
Salam raya to you and your darling daughter :)

RDB - Are you sure in was "love" and not "lust"? :P

ectopy - Hehehe..actually i still keep those pics, cards and soft toys but semua simpan bawah katil or very very hidden..hahaha..nampak dek my husb mampos!

30something - A typical reaction that a guy usually has...well, we all grief in our own special way I suppose...

babygd - Slmt hari raya to you too adik. Tak leh janji tak sedey..sure meleleh airmata jugak!

jorji - Dramatik??? Amboi amboi amboi! Hahaha...Lelaki pun sama jer cuma tak tunjuk kat kengkawan..lebih suka nangis sorang-sorang..macho la konon :P

valisaiskandar said...

ohh on the ex or even someone u had a fling once actually settled for (with) someone less than you is the ultimate LOL I have a funny story about that I shoudl blog about... nantilah lepas raya sekarang tak baik mengata orang lol

east43street said...

So much phases to go through sis. Is it worth it to mend a broken heart, where heart is meant to be broken anyway?

Cosmic_GurL said...

Valisa - Hahaha..eh takper, kita bukan mengata tapi ni kenyataan! :P

East43St - Yeah for us to open up our heart to another person, the broken heart needs to be mend first..if not we will carry a lot of baggage :)

Lynn said...

"Bigger foot thumb" - aahahahahahaaaaaa!!!

Selamat Hari Raya, weh apesal ari tu bla dr Chili's senyap2?

queefie said...

how many times can i got thru this tho? i agree with everything you said, but im on my 5th breakup with a liar and a cheat, its all i attract and now i cant move past stage 2, and even my girlfriends have stopped calling by now as all i can do is cry n bitch and i know im shit, but i put so much faith in this particular bastard!!