Friday, April 07, 2006

Big Willy in Sarawak

2006 Tax Office Memorandum

Proposed New Tax For 2006

The only thing we have not yet taxed is the willy. This is due to the fact that :-
  • 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed;
  • 30% of the time it is hard up;
  • 20% of the time it is pissed off; and
  • 10% of the time it's in a hole.

It has two dependents, but they're nuts.

Effective January 1, 2006 willies will be taxed according to size.

The tax brackets are as follows:
10"-12" - Luxury Tax (Whoaaa momma!)
8"-10" - Pole Tax
5"- 8" - Privilege Tax
4"- 5" - Nuisance tax (hahahahaha...sorry!)

Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains.
Anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund.


Issues still under consideration are as follows:
  • Are there penalties for early withdrawal?
  • Do multiple partners count as a corporation?
  • Are condoms deductible as work clothes?

Commissioner for Taxation
p/s : Don't forget to submit your tax form by 30 April 2006. Don't do it last minute (that's me reminding myself). Im sure we all have learned something from the MyKad debacle?
  • U can download the form online too
pp/s : I am going to Sarawak this weekend to meet the boyfriend's families and friends. I hope it doesnt turn out to be anything like "Meet the Parents" except for the happy ending part at the end of the movie. Going to be there till Tuesday so I won't be updating by blog till then. Wish me luck kay. I hope they like me coz if they don't then well...just pray that they give me a stamp of approval.
  • Have a great looooooooooong weekend everyone! :-)
ppp/s : Don't ask me what the title has got to do with the posting. I'm too nervous to think straight.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Point to Note for MAS

If the stewardesses of Malaysian Airlines (MAS) were to wear something like this, MAS would be the most successful national carrier in the region. And it wouldn't be making so much loss like these past couple of years. Enough said.
**Pics courtesy of Pink-fins

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Part Uno

I absolutely love F.R.I.E.N.D.S. My favourite character was Phoebe Buffet because she is such a cuckoo and yet way smarter than Joey. I have been watching reruns of FRIENDS on dvd and no matter how many times I watched it I would still laugh my arse off. Monica with her obsession of cleaning things, Chandler always mistaken to be gay, Ross' s "we were on a break" excuse for cheating on Rachel, Rachel's hair (she's got such nice hair throughout the whole 10 seasons) and of course Joey's addiction to women and food. Here are some of my favourite episodes from seasons 2-5 :-
  • The One Where Ross Finds Out (Season 2)

Chandler enlists Monica as his personal fitness trainer. Phoebe can't figure out why her date won't sleep with her. Rachel leaves Ross a drunken phone message saying she's over him. The next morning, Ross retrieves his messages and argues with Rachel saying that she's too late because he's with Julie...then they kiss.

The one where Ross said: "You're over me? When were you...under me?"

  • The One With The Prom Video (Season 2)

Joey gives Chandler a gaudy gold bracelet, but he hates it. Phoebe shares her 'lobster' love theory with the gang. Monica plays a video of herself and Rachel preparing for their Senior Prom (Rachel's nose is pre-surgery and Monica is fat).In the video, Rachel gets upset when she thinks she's been stood up so Ross prepares to take her - but the date shows up. Rachel is moved by what she sees on the tape and kisses Ross passionately.

The one where Phoebe said: "He's her lobster!"

  • The One Where Eddie Won't Go (Season 2)

Chandler is freaked out by weird new flatmate Eddie and orders him to leave. But Eddie won't go. Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe read a female empowerment book called 'Be Your Own Windkeeper' and end up arguing with each other. Joey moves back in with Chandler and Eddie finally leaves.

The one where Rachel said: "How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?"

  • The One With Chandler In A Box (Season 4)

Chandler spends Thanksgiving in a shipping crate as penance for kissing Joey's girlfriend Kathy. The gang give each other Secret Santa gifts and Ross torments Rachel about her habit of giving away gifts. She shows him all the stuff she saved from their relationship. Monica gets ice in her eye; the doctor turns out to be Richard's son who also becomes attracted to her.

The one where Ross said: "Hey, you know, Mon, if things works out with you and Richard's son, you'll be able to tell your kids that you slept with their grandfather."

  • The One With The Embryos (Season 4)

Phoebe has the embryos planted in her uterus. Monica and Rachel insist that they know Chandler and Joey better than the guys know them so Ross chairs a quiz to see who's right. If the girls win, the chick and the duck have to go. If the guys win, they get the girls' apartment...

The question the girls couldn't answer: "What is Chandler Bing's job?"

  • The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks (Season 5)

The gang talk about their worst Thanksgivings ever. Chandler learns that his father slept with the pool boy (1978); Phoebe twice loses an arm in past lives (1862 and 1915); Joey has his head in a turkey (1992); Chandler hurts Monica's feelings when she's fat (1987) but Monica gets even with him a year later when she's thin. Finally, Monica sticks a turkey on her head to cheer Chandler up and he tells her that he loves her.

The one where Joey said: "I am thankful for this beautiful fall we've been having. The other day I was at the bus stop and this lovely fall breeze came in out of nowhere and blew this chick's skirt right up...I'm also thankful for thongs."

  • The One Where Everybody Finds Out (Seaon 5)

Phoebe sees Chandler and Monica making love and tells Rachel. To get Monica to admit the truth, Phoebe hits on Chandler to make Monica jealous. However, Monica and Chandler figure out that Phoebe and Rachel know and decide to turn the tables on them. Eventually, Rachel and Phoebe figure out that Monica and Chandler know that they know and it all culminates in everybody knowing. Except Ross...until he looks out the window of his new apartment and sees Chandler and Monica making love.

The one where Phoebe said: "They're trying to mess with us? They don't know that we know they know we know!"