Friday, April 07, 2006

Big Willy in Sarawak

2006 Tax Office Memorandum

Proposed New Tax For 2006

The only thing we have not yet taxed is the willy. This is due to the fact that :-
  • 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed;
  • 30% of the time it is hard up;
  • 20% of the time it is pissed off; and
  • 10% of the time it's in a hole.

It has two dependents, but they're nuts.


Effective January 1, 2006 willies will be taxed according to size.

The tax brackets are as follows:
10"-12" - Luxury Tax (Whoaaa momma!)
8"-10" - Pole Tax
5"- 8" - Privilege Tax
4"- 5" - Nuisance tax (hahahahaha...sorry!)

Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains.
Anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund.

PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!

Issues still under consideration are as follows:
  • Are there penalties for early withdrawal?
  • Do multiple partners count as a corporation?
  • Are condoms deductible as work clothes?

Respectfully,
Commissioner for Taxation
p/s : Don't forget to submit your tax form by 30 April 2006. Don't do it last minute (that's me reminding myself). Im sure we all have learned something from the MyKad debacle?
  • U can download the form online too
pp/s : I am going to Sarawak this weekend to meet the boyfriend's families and friends. I hope it doesnt turn out to be anything like "Meet the Parents" except for the happy ending part at the end of the movie. Going to be there till Tuesday so I won't be updating by blog till then. Wish me luck kay. I hope they like me coz if they don't then well...just pray that they give me a stamp of approval.
  • Have a great looooooooooong weekend everyone! :-)
ppp/s : Don't ask me what the title has got to do with the posting. I'm too nervous to think straight.

28 comments:

Freak & Geek said...

aiya sis, no need to worry lah.. u'll do juz fine with the future in-laws fam... they'll love u!

nway, dun forget to bring along an impressive resume k! penting tuh!

Lastly, put a smile on even if u dun understand a word they're saying to u.. (bahsa dorang kan sedikit lain)

Have a safe trip and come back in 1 piece!

Cosmic_GurL said...

FnG - Thanks darling. Oh My God. Seriously, Ive nvr been this nervous before. Even when I was meeting my 1st ex's parents last time I wasnt this nervous!! I just hope I dont say anything skoopid. I tend to do tht when Im nervous. Sigh.

*concreterose* said...

good luck, gurl.. u'll be fine.. just be yourself, i'm sure they'll luv u the way u are.. oh, and laugh a lot and try to look interested in watever they're saying.. as long as u paham la kan ;-)

and while ure at it, go and have some laksa sarawak at this place near riverside.. err.. raja brooke cafe i think.. sedap *droool*

superdzu said...

good luck cosmic!

i'm so sure they're gonna love you.
sapa tak suka a bubbly menantu?

eh sarawakians pun cakap 'bah' ke?
you know like...relax bah.

agus said...

aok bah dzu.

good luck cosmic! come back approved ya hear me?

I'm sure you'll do fine. Knock'em dead. Ooops, I mean blow them away.

Meet the parents. *shiver*

[Is]landa said...

buat purak² hilang suara la. so u wont do anything skoopid.

Cosmic_GurL said...

Concreterose - Tenchiu. Try to look interested? Tht one caan? But If I dont understand then how? Buat2 paham issit? If they ask me back ill die! Hehehe...

Superdzu - Bubbly menantu? Me? Hehehe...Awww..tenchiu darling

Agus - Thanks Agus..Kamek nervous gila nih. Chewah! Practice skit2 dulu kay?

Ylanda - Dang! Thts a good idea. I have to practice sign language then

Desparil said...

ooh..gi sarawak naik belon! bestnye..

ti.e.na said...

besh of luck!
eh u'll do just fine la,am pretty sure.
nak souvenir frm sarawak ok!:D

Cosmic_GurL said...

Des - Tak ah. Gi Sarawak naik unta. Oopss..I mean berenang..Hihihihi...Nak ikut? Eh Des, serious ke u nak pinjam FRIENDS? I can pass to you the earlier seasons if you really want. but after i come back from Sarawak la kay...

ti.e.na - Souvenir? Bleh bleh. Apa mau?

ti.e.na said...

eh really?
nong nong nong nong,dun funk wif my heart..

i want pearl necklace.
fake pon xpe.
tq darl!
ahaksss..

9 said...

pole tax? i hv to fork out for pole tax? ahhhh.. crap!

:p

trueblue said...

Am sure they're gonna lurveeeeee you. Good luck dear!

Cik Puan Muda Stress said...

break a leg.
or dont.

have fun!!

Shopper Mom said...

i guess it's a little bit too late to wish u luck at this point :), so how was the trip? i expect u to be back with a loadfull of sarawakian dishes recipes, with laksa sarawak being no. 1 on the list. hehehe...

madnessinvain said...

Willy aside, all is well i pray.

Yay!

Desparil said...

of course le serious. after sarawak sounds good. can pass me my souvenirs at the same time.. hehe..

Cik Puan Muda Stress said...

lalalala.

holiday lagi ek?

lalalalalaa

Cosmic_GurL said...

ti.e.na - Hehehe..haiyooo...I tak beli pearl necklace la darling..sorry!

9 - U wish! Is there anyone who can verify with me whether it's definitely pole tax? :p

Trueblue - It was a good trip, thanks :) Will write abt it in my next entry

Cik Puan Muda - Mmg rasa nak tercabut my legs berjalan kat Carpenter St. Hehehe

Shopper Mom - Heheh..His mom makes really good Sarawak Laksa but i didnt get the recipe tho. I only managed to get the recipe for stuffed chicken. I know I know! Like u can get stuffed chicken here in Semenanjung kan but seriously his mom's stuffing was delicious!!

MIV - All is well thanks :) Pheww!

Desparil - Sorrylah, I didnt get gambir sarawak for you like u asked me to. Kihkihkih...Ermm...u know abt gambir sarawak and how to use it right? FRIENDS dvd coming up!

Cik Puan Muda - Just came back today la..Still in holiday mood.

Desparil said...

gambir sarawak is for sakit gigi wann.. right? :P

Cosmic_GurL said...

Des - Muahahahahahaa...Ekeleh Des, buat2 tak tahu plak...unless yr gigi is down there then yalah, can be used for sakit gigi. Muahahahaha

lensman said...

so, kira u ni pass ler???

Soulmates_77 said...

Nak nyampuk... so? so? howz the interview?? hehehe ni kira dah pass la eh??

ok everybody.... tolong book airasia satu kapal terbang... Cik Kak... kasik notis kat kawan2 blog awak ni a year in advance ait! hehehe

*for majlis bertandang aaar....

Cosmic_GurL said...

Lensman - Alhamdulillah, beres! Will story2 in my next entry.

Soulmates - Pass! I flashed my colgate smile 24/7. Penat jugak la smiling away. Hehehe. Mentally exhausting coz need to translate and understand bahasa Sarawak and physically tired coz pegi berjalan to all his uncle's and aunt's house.

Alahai, 1 tahun notice? Less than 1 yr Insyaallah. I wonder how many tables I need to set aside for my blogging buddies. Hehehe...

Idham said...

cosmic...best wishes...tips :
- don't burp, if u do...repeat it..so that they think u were joking.
- dont fart...if u do, just roll ur eyes, like someone else had done it.
- and do lots of praise for mother in laws' cooking and how she had raised her son...

again ...u will do just fine!!

IdHam.

ti.e.na said...

woot woot!
sooo happy for ya.:D

Mr Hobo said...

errrr.... my advice .. to kentut publicly, then they know u don't feel comfy.

Cosmic_GurL said...

Blown Away - Hahaha..Advice No. 1 & 2 think ill pass...No. 3 tu like im trying too hard dontcha think?

tiena - Tenchiu :)

Hobo - Ciss! As always, tak bleh pakai punya advice si Hobo bg nih...Jadi ardartu I okay