Monday, April 14, 2008

Another one bites the dust

A friend called me on the phone just now. He said that he’s officially divorced. He had lafaz the talaq this morning and now feeling crappy over the whole situation. But he said it had to be done. It was amicable. Both parties wanted it. They just couldn’t make it work. There were no 3rd party. The ex wanted to focus on her career as a journalist. The ex said she still loves and cares for him as a friend. As a friend. Wow! People usually want out of a marriage if there’s a 3rd party involved or if they’re with an abusive partner. This has got to be the most amicable divorce I’ve ever heard. She didn’t want his money. He was willing to give whatever she wants.

When they were married, he told me that he gave her everything he thought she needed like a big house, a sporty new car and a fat allowance every month. However, he failed to ask her whether that was what she wanted. He assumed that when he gave her all that, she should concentrate more on the family and not her career. But he was wrong. She didn’t want all that. Some of our friends said that maybe because she was too young when he married her. When they got married, his business was doing very well. She however just graduated from university. He was already a successful businessman and he felt having a family would complete his life. I guess he didn’t realise that she was just getting started on her career.

My friend got full custody of their 2 year old daughter but he said she can visit their daughter anytime she wants. He said that he’s been the father AND mother to their daughter ever since she was born as his ex was busy with work. I’ve only listened to his side of the story though.

I wonder if my friend will ever be able to love another person whole-heartedly again. He always joked and said he’ll be out dating immediately after the divorce. I doubt it. My friend is the kind of person that when he falls in love, he falls hard. And he fell really hard for his ex.

I’ve always believe that when someone goes through a painful break up or a divorce, they loose the ability to love again, to really love again like they did the first time I mean. So when they enter a new relationship they will always be cautious because they feel that they are going to be disappointed again. Sometimes, they even "sabotaged" the new relationship without realising it. To me, it’s good to be cautious but not too cautious until you fail to embrace happiness that is staring you right in the face.

Everyone heals in their own special way. I just hope my friend knows that we’re here for him if he ever needs a shoulder to cry on. I hope he knows that falling in love and trusting another human being again will take some time. But I hope he doesn't give up on love.

After all, time heals all wounds, doesn’t it?

*tick tock tick tock tick tock*