Monday, March 20, 2006

PHAT and Loving It!

I came across this article on the net. So ladies, if your man says this to you then you know what it means. It is a subtle way of telling you that you need to loose some weight without them getting a bash on the head or sleeping on the couch for a month. Men are tricky creatures I tell you. Somehow it's okay for them to balloon up to 150 kilos (especially after marriage) but when we have that second helping or that delicious moist chocolate cake for dessert you can see their eyes rolling as if you're gonna be 5 kilos heavier after the meal. Such double standards. Hmmpphh!
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To embark on a mission to tell your girlfriend to lose some weight is among the most taboo rituals in the history of he said/she said. One false move, and you will forever live in infamy as the man who destroyed the hard work of many men over many, many years. On the other hand, successfully coerce your lady-friend into shedding a few pounds with some slick tongue-trickery, and prepare for immortality. We'll never need to blow kisses at bloated grannies again.
Speaking openly with your girlfriend about her weight is an intricate science. Women fall into two very distinct categories: those who feel fat, but look great, and those who feel fat, and are fat. It is crucial that you are mindful of this when walking the fine line between helping your princess become the sculpted beauty she can be, and poking her insecurity buttons with a sharp stick.
For you, it can be the difference between happiness and an untimely death. Treat it with the belief that every male is watching your every move. Because we are.

Make her want to do it
As much as we men have tried to reserve the right to fiddle and fuss about the shape of the missus, we must remember that our opinions about our women are just that: opinions.

One man's lump of coal is another man's diamond. If she is active, healthy and happy with her size, you best file your misgivings away. The worst thing you can do is swing below the belt. But if she is overindulgent and lazy, and her figure has paid the price, even our best girlfriends need a little help getting a weight loss regimen into full swing.

There are many backhanded ways to put the seed of becoming svelter in the mind of your honey.
  • "I don't like the way that outfit looks on you anymore."

Every woman has a go-to getup. If you don't know it, you don't know her well enough to discuss her flabby stomach. The only thing that could ever change the way an outfit looks is the way it fits. Tell her you aren't sure why it looks odd, suggest a looser knit, and watch her forever skip the nachos with cheese.

  • "I can't get over how fat I feel."

Women have been commiserating with each other for eons about the thickness of their thighs. If you launch a pity-party of your own about how heavy you feel, and let her know at every turn, she'll become fat-obsessed by osmosis. Women have been doing it to each other since the dawn of public washrooms.

  • "Your friend isn't nearly as attractive since she gained that weight."

Be careful. Delivery is everything. Pick her homeliest friend and let your most outrageous BS fly. Pick an attractive pal, and you'll be explaining your wandering eye till you give her a ring. Focus on the improbable target, and she'll be thinking that if you find her bookworm buddy hefty, perhaps a diet should be on her docket.

  • "I have a new female trainer at the gym."

She'll never suggest fewer trips to the gym, but it will drive her bonkers to think that another woman is spotting your squat thrusts. She'll sign up and show up within 24 hours just to keep an eye on you.

  • "The saleswoman said it was for smaller women."

If you want your baby to shed some baby fat, spend a couple of bucks on a nice little fashion piece a couple of sizes out of her reach. If she is thin in your eyes, and the only thing telling her otherwise is a piece of clothing, she'll work morning, noon and night to fit into that cursed thing.

  • "Let's help each other lose a couple of pounds?"

Let's face it. If you tell your girlfriend to lose some weight, she'll withdraw your all-access pass to her wonderful folds. But an honest commitment to work together to become fitter and shed some unwanted girth can only be met with the excitement that your investment in her is the same as what she is willing to invest in you. Losing weight is no small task. Make her sure you're worth it.


Keep her thin
Remember men, to influence her decision to lose weight while avoiding any sore feelings is to make everything about you. How you feel, what you think, what your opinion is; these are the things that will separate you just enough from the battle that is ultimately hers. The minute you make it about what you think she's doing wrong, you're dead meat, and we're all coming after you.


Weight loss takes time, so be patient. Now, all you have to do is keep that weight off yourself so you've got a leg to stand on...

p/s : Sheesh!

pp/s : This posting has got nothing to do with the boyfriend. He never stops me from eating. That's why I'm so PHAT. Hehehe...

14 comments:

Freak & Geek said...

men, eat ur heart out! heheh..

btw sis, 150 kilos tu mcm over sgt kan?

:-p

Angel Eyes said...

if he luvs u, no matter what size you are pun, he still luvs u rite?

we gotta accept it...

but sher, you're one fabulous woman!

cikPijah said...

hihih! teguran yg AMAT sopan.

trueblue said...

Its hard being a woman. Dah kawin and beranak-pinak pun, must maintain to look good. Arghhh..Pressure..pressure

KaiserSoze said...

hehehe..useful tips I must say o cosmic one. The phat issue is a rather delicate one to approach..hehehhe...I think your hidden agenda with all these female tips is to make this world (by giving cues to us guys) a better place for the womenfolks!

9 said...

my wife feeds me day and night. when i say, 'nengok la ni, i dh gemok, six pack i dh takde lagi', she'll just laugh and feed me some more.


:p

Cosmic_GurL said...

FnG - If u like em BIG like teddy bears then 150 kilos is acceptable I guess :)

Angeleyes - Well, u know men. They love ya for who u are but smtimes they cant help but try to change ya..same goes for women

CikPijah - Sopan? Ya think? Cara teguran sopan la kot but content tu menusuk kalbu wooohhh...

Trueblue - Yup!! Not only must maintain figure but how abt getting rid of the unwanted hair? Threading sakit tau!

Kaisersoze - Hahahhaah..U got me! Both sexes can learn from it. There are ways to "tegur" us without us having to chase you out of the room and make u sleep on the couch :p

Cosmic_GurL said...

9 - Hahaha..she has hidden agenda tu bro. She wants to make u fat so tht ull no longer be desirable for other women :p

Unless of course women prefer teddy bears then ure still in the market la...

superdzu said...

happy wednesday cosmic!

eh dah tgk v for vendetta?
best tauu

Cosmic_GurL said...

Happy Wetnessday Darling! No, havent watched it yet. Best ek? I lurve Natalie Portman. Im sure shes hot even when shes bald :p

Shopper Mom said...

hey there u Pretty-Hot-And-Tempting sistah!

can join me lipat lepat ur badan if u like :)

Cosmic_GurL said...

Hahahaha...SM, I heard abt yr lenguh2 and sakit badan all kay..No thank you! Im afraid if I try to lipat lepat my badan, it wont go back to its original size. Hahahaha

agus said...

Hi Cosmic Gurl! Nice to meet you last night. A lovely couple of you. Small world ek. Itu belum lagi kira kita launch jejak kasih.

I think losing weight pun ada double standard on guys. When a guy even say he's on diet, eyes roll and noses sniff. Mulalah chop metrosexual lah, the 'happy' type lah, etc. etc.

So, it should be a personal thing, not gender biased. We should lose weight only if we want to. And it is not for anyone else to tell us. They can't make it work no matter how they make you.

Slim and loving it, good.Phat and also loving it, good.

Cosmic_GurL said...

Agus - yeah it was nice meeting u too! Im phat and loving it! Heheheh