Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Wedding woes

My aunt, a 49 year old widow came to the house a month ago and told us that she is getting married again. She told my dad (her brother) that she wants to get married to her old flame, a 65 year old man.

Her husband-to-be is an Indian convert. They wanted to get married 25 years ago but my granddad was against them getting married because he wasn’t a Muslim. So they parted ways but I was later told by my aunt that the guy had never stopped loving her. However, he got married to another woman and my aunt too got married to another guy 20 years her senior. She got married to her 1st husband (now deceased) only after my granddad had passed away because my granddad didn’t like the guy either. My granddad was a very hard man to please. But I guess he only wanted what’s best for his daughter.

After her 1st husband passed away from a heart-attack 4 years ago, I thought my aunt would never remarry. She really loved my uncle and couldn’t cope with his death. My aunt became distant from her children and fell into depression. It wasn’t the “I-want-to-commit-suicide” kind of depression but it was more of a “I’d rather not deal with anything and continue with my life by watching lots of television” kind of depression which is even worse.

I just received a telephone call from my mom and she told me that I needed to rush home after work today because my aunt is getting married at the house tonight. Hubby was also summoned home ASAP as my dad needs him to re-arrange the sofa i.e. heavy duty lifting is required.

The last time I spoke to her children they told me that they hated the guy their mother wanted to marry and was against the marriage. One of her children is sitting for her SPM exam this year and she said if her mother were to marry this guy then she would purposely fail her exam. My aunt’s eldest son was so angry at my aunt that he refused to come home from college for 6 months now and refused to talk to my aunt. I told my cousins that it is normal to feel that way but they don’t have to worry because no one can replace their dad and that they need to understand that their mother may be lonely, hence that’s why she decided to remarry. Then one of her daughter said this to me,

“Why would mama feel lonely when she has us? Aren’t we enough? Adik is still in primary school. She should focus on taking care of Adik. Apesal mama gatal sangat nak kahwin?!

I seriously don’t know how to answer that question. How do you explain something like this to a child?

The thing is, even after finding out that her children are against the marriage, she still wanted to go ahead with the akad nikah tonight. She said that rarely a person gets a second chance to be with their first love. On one hand I can understand how she feels but on the other hand I can’t help but feel she’s making a big mistake. It’s like she doesn’t care what her children think, as long as she can be with the guy then that’s all that matters.

I seriously hope my aunt is doing the right thing.

Now I’ve to rush home to help my mom with the ceremony. I’ve to stop by Restoran Ismail in TTDI to buy 20 packs of nasi briyani for the guests to eat tonight. Sigh…so much drama la…


akula said...

Hmm, I dont know. One side of my brain tell me that, its your aunt's life, she can do anything she please. On the other side, there's her children feelings to be consider about. If I am in that situation, considering everything, yep I'll go for it. LOVE as we know, make us feel alive and wanted. Its is time to be selfish. :)

ytxis said...

We all like to ask ourselves, if you could turn back the clock what would you do? And your aunt has that one in a lifetime chance to turn back the clock.Let her. It was probably her first love and was her first cut, which is the deepest kan babeh?

ytxis said...

Oh! Love Actually..

VanDerWijck said...

anak2 x patut cakap gitu.. mmg la mak diorang ada diorang, tp kekosongan jiwa yg perlu di isi oleh seorang lelaki yg bernama suami boleh ka anak2 yg isi?? lagipun inikan soal jodoh.. dah ini ketentuan DIA.. terima la ngan hati terbuka.. doakan je la yg terbaik buat mak diorang..

thewailer said...

maybe she should listen to her heart instead of winding up with the opinions of others which can be doubtful.

still just a quick thought :)

diamond baby said...

hmm, i was in that situation too. i got really upset when my mom wanted to remarry after dad passed on. she sat down with me and reassured that her attention and love will always be the same but as a person, she needed love & companionship too (from adult). it took a while getting used to my step dad but all turned out well in the end. it's just a matter of time. I hope she'll be happy! :)

DiaHarris said...

if it's happen to me, i also not aggree. i hate & don't wanna have a stepfather. it's scary me!

Yours Truly ... XOXO said...

i really think it's unfair for her children to treat her that way... I mean come on...give her a break...she has been single for 4 years now...besides would they rather see her being depress for the rest of her life? noone wants to die alone... ;S

Cosmic_GurL said...

akula - I'm sure ure right but it's just weird seeing my aunt act all child-like and in love...like a teenager! Sigh...guess I have to get use to seeing her with her husb when I balik kampung for raya..

ytxis - Ramainyer supporter my aunty here :p

vanderwijck - Biasalah diaorg masih teenager lagi. Mana nak faham semua tu. My aunt should've explained to her children rather than push them aside and cuma fikir apa yang dia nak..

thewailer - she sure listened to her heart! The ceremony went smoothly even tho the guy had to lafaz the akad 3 times. He kept forgetting the word "nikah" in "Aku terima nikahnya..."

diamond baby - I'm glad things worked out for you. The thing is yr mom explained the situation to you but I dont think my aunt had the "heart to heart" talk with her children. She just did what she felt was good for her.

diahariss - Iskh! Tak baik tau. kalau stepdad you Johnny Depp camner? :P

yours truly - Like I said her children are still teenagers. Think diaorg lagi rasa malu more than anything else. Takut kena perli dgn kawan2...

superdzu said...

congratulations aunty cosmicgirl! i myself went out with a chinese guy for 8years,last2 tak jadik convert...if your aunty jumpa someone whos willing to convert and loves her...why not?

wah nasi briyani sounds sedap gila man.

cikPijah said...

patut la semlm i pegi nak beli nasi beriani dah abes! ada org borong! :p

Sweettooth said...

as long as she takes care of her children's needs, show them that she hasn't changed...insyaallah her kids will get over it, hopefully. it's true, not many ppl r lucky enuff like ur aunt to get a 2nd chance with their 1st love.


i remembered when my arwah bapak passed away we were all so takut that my mom was going 2 remarry....we were happy that mama tak kahwin lain...but kadang2 kesian jugak pikir maybe she has been lonely all these while...

then like 2/3 years ago...after over 20 years arwah bapak passed away...we told her its ok if she wants 2 remarry...then she mengamuk saying "oh aku dah tua baru hampa suruh aku kahwin lain...ni hampa tak mau jaga aku dah lah lepas ni..."...

no one solution...works differently in different families...,

ps - i miss beriani ismail...

suzequatro said...

true love huh. sighs.

nasi beriani..now i m hungry..(oh it rhymes)

Monster Mom said...

those children should support their mother in this kind of crisis!

After all those years of sacrifice, it is time for your aunt to think of her own self.

Go for it aunt!

Sarclover said...

if you dont mind me saying, i think the children are being very inconsiderate.

at least your auntie wont be alone. i mean when you reach that age, all you care about would be companionship.

i got disgusted and somewhat sad that a child actually know how to say things like that about their mother. since when getting remarried means to abandon the family.

her children should think about her rather than themselves. they are being nothing but selfish.

again, this is only my 2 cents. hope it didnt offend you in anyway. lots of luck to your aunt.

M.I.S.S.Y said...

after a year mom passed, abah nikah baru. lagi terasa babe. but think on the +ve side, he needs someone to be with him, dah biasa berteman katanye. luka juga, coz no one can replace my mom...mula rasa2 abah selfish, but someone knocked me on my head, he said im the one who is selfish of not letting abah kawin lagi..

we, adik beradik juz redho'..and alhamdulillah the makcik is so nice (sehingga ke hari nila besok2 tak tau lagi..heheh)..

Cosmic_GurL said...

superdzu - Yeah i'm sure ure right. He better treat her well, u know how garang i can get right? hahaha!

pijah - Alah sorrylah pijah...hehehe...senyum jer mamak tu bila i byr the 20 packs of briyani :p

sweettooth - yeah that's what I hope and pray too, that she takes care of her children well :)

eddy sparrow - Korang memang! U better jaga your mom, eddy. U anak lelaki sulong so tanggungjawab berat wooohh...

suze - mmg sedap..i pun dah lama tak makan nasi briyani Ismail so bila dpt makan tu mmg best ah :P

monstermom - Hehehe...another supporter!

sarclover - Yeah it was harsh and the daughter shouldnt have said that but i understand whre she is coming from. I hope everything will work out for the best..for my aunt's sake :)

missy - Oh i didnt know this...hopefully your family bahagia and aman damai hingga ke anak cucu :)

katakbesar said...


entah la..

we could only imagine
and try to understand
and be rational about it

berat mata memandang
berat lagi bahu yang memikul i guess
as always..

DiaHarris said...

if JD the i'll AGGREED!!!

Shopper Mom said...

congratulations to your aunt. although it's sad to hear about the kids' reactions.

Angel Eyes said...

Agree with my best friend, Sarcy.

If i'm one of her kids, i will let her get married. She needs a companion and someone to talk to. I just want her to be happy. That's all i can say.

I wish her all the very best.

vedd said...

True(?) love are not meant to be stopped. IMHO, the children should understand. It's a lonely world at that age and the fact that true love comes for the second time, just let it be. Let the parent be happy. Who knows, when her children gets to that age, they might encounter the same situation. Then what?

UglyButAdorable said...

ehh...raser cam ader comment earlier..hilang pulak

anyway u know when my late bro died, he left my sil and 5 kids. in less than a year she got married again dgn laki org yg ader 2 anak kecik dr anak2 my brother. the whole clan was pissed. personally i was pissed because it was someone's husband. i kinda understood that people need companion especially for old age. so tell your cousins ader org lain yg lebih teruk scenario nyer. imagine my mom nyer hati terluka biler her son was forgotten in less than a year.

i hope everything will trun out well for your aunt and her new life and her kids..insya allah

Cosmic_GurL said...

katak besar - U got that right. We can only make comments. At the end of the day we're not the ones in that situation

diahariss - Hahaha! Bertuah badan kalau JD!

shopper mom - yup, sad indeed

angeleyes - I'm not saying she doesnt deserve to be happy. I just thought she shouldve told her kids she was getting married

vedd - I hope ure right. I hope everybody will be happy in the end

UBA - I'm sorry my dear. I'm sure your mom was devastated. Sigh...