Monday, August 06, 2007

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.


It’s so hard to maintain friendships nowadays.

Sometimes things we say which is meant as a joke could be construed wrongly and the other party gets hurt by it. Believe me, once it is spoken, damage is done and there is no way to take it back. For people who forgive easily, whose heart could not fathom of holding grudges for a long time then it’s easier to ask for forgiveness. But for some whose hearts are like stone, it’s not that easy. It could take days or even years for them to forgive you.

No matter how many friends you have, you could never be perfect at maintaining friendship.

A friend forwarded an email on friendship and it said,

“A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself”
I remember there was a point in my life when I felt alone, I had just broken up with my 1st ex who happened to be my very first serious boyfriend and it was my very 1st serious relationship. My self-esteem was very low, I felt unwanted and not worthy of being loved. I felt that the reason he broke up with me was because my family wasn’t as rich or esteemed as his, that I wasn’t as pretty as all the other lawyer chicks that he was befriending at that time and that I didn’t possess the same level of intellectual as he did. Friends were consoling me and telling me what a prick he was. That anyone would be lucky enough to have me as their girlfriend as I was smart, witty and that I have a great personality. Of course I didn’t believe a word they say. In my heart, I thought they were only saying all this to make me feel better. I’m not saying I don’t appreciate their kind words but after a while you tend not to believe it even though you know they have got your best interest at heart.

While I was feeling all sad and worthless, a friend, R, said that if I thought I was ugly then I should change the way I look. If I thought I was fat then I should loose some weight. She said, “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, you will achieve.” (I later asked her where she cedok the corny lines from and she said it was from Salt N Pepa...haha...).
R didn’t try to console me by singing praises to me. She said only I can get back my self-esteem. Only I have the power to make myself feel better. She stood by me and never let me give up. I would wake up suddenly at night and feel like crying my heart out and I would call her and she would just listen. She wouldn’t offer any advice unless I asked for it. Whenever I was whining about never finding a guy that could love me like how my ex loved me, she would tell me to shut-up and stop feeling sorry for myself. It was brutal yeah but it was the best thing she could've said to me that point in time.

R is now married with a daughter. We haven’t spoken for quite sometime but we know deep in our hearts that we are friends for life. We don’t talk for 3 months and when we talked it was as if we’ve just spoken to each other yesterday. She is the kind of friend that “You can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation that you ever had.” To me that’s the best kind of friend. I could always trust R to tell me the truth even when it hurts. For that I would always cherish my friendship with R until the day I die.

Do you often asked yourself what kind of friends that you would like to surround yourself with? Obviously not someone who punishes you when you don’t call but someone who understands that sometimes it’s just hard to catch up. Someone who understands that being married and having children is not an excuse for you to drop them out of your life. Someone who understands that just because a friend is single and you’re married, you never try to marry off your single friend and think that’s what they want too (unless they specifically ask you to set a blind date for them).

So you see, friendship could easily break down when both parties do not understand each other. When there is a breakdown in communication or when one party just do not bother to make the effort. When this happens, it’s better to just let go. There is no point in trying to fix the friendship when you’re the only one putting in the effort. Some bridges just need to be burned and not worth salvaging.

So I say, make new friends. I know for a fact there are plenty of nice people out there. You just have to make the effort. Strangers could surprise you sometimes. You never know until you make that first step.
*smile*

32 comments:

katakbesar said...

till one turns foe
one is a friend indeed

akula said...

Hey, I am nice and I am a stranger. Care to be my friend? :)

UglyButAdorable said...

well said beb...

yeah...lets find new friends and keep in touch with the good old ones...

E-Shoptalk said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Leen Ash Burn said...

But the more pressing matter is...did you get to go to Chillis with an eye patch on Saturday? Because that would be awesome-cool.

EDDY PURNAMA SPARROW said...

hey you...

thanks for being a great friend....and thanks for not marrying me off with any of ur single friends....

Yours Truly ... XOXO said...

u're lucky to have R... ;P

Sometimes we took things for granted kan...thinkin something like..'ah, nevermind la, tak payah la bagi sms tanye kabar..she'll always be there!'

* sigh * but dat's so wrong....

wanna be my nu fren? ehehehhe ;P

The Winged Acrophobic said...

Aye. It's a wonder how some can live without friends....

Cosmic_GurL said...

katakbesar - Aaahh...I hope I havent turned anyone into a foe :)

akula - Hehehe..u wanna be my part time or full time friend, bro?

UBA - Yup, well said. Old ones should not be forgotten and new ones are refreshing

Leen - LOL! No I didnt go to Chilis with an eye-patch. Hubby said it would be too weird

Eddy - Ure welcome good friend. Dont worry, u know I would nvr try to do that. I rasa yew kena kahwin minah saleh la...pompuan melayu ni cam tak sesuai (sengau skit) dgn yew :P

XOXO - Yup, we take things for granted without even realising it sometimes.

Bukan ure already my fwen ke? :))

WA - Life without friends is like life without air! I'd die if I wasnt surrounded by good friends

Yours Truly ... XOXO said...

haahha truly honored, tenkiu! ;P

lx said...

u've got one here ;-) with my good eye n ur good eye, we'll take on the world hahahahahah

Sweettooth said...

wah! best bangat ini entry! thanx for being my blogger friend ;)

Azer Mantessa said...

the eskimos have 784 words for snow but they have no word for a friend. it shares another word - 'Forever'.

ti.e.na said...

absolutely agree on the 'letting go' part.friendship like any other relationship is a two way street,involves a lot of giving and taking.

DiaHarris said...

ya! u're very lucky to have R..

i also looking a gud friends like your R.. :)
*sigh* very hard to find lar..

so, wanna be my new pren?

Dade Ghost said...

Hey I think u got lots of friend. Just wondering, they say a spouse should be our best friend. Is it true?

missy is K.U said...

i have lotsa good friends right by my side through thick n thin...
they would agree with me whenever im right and when im wrong!
(lol)

-guile- said...

oh.. u said it so well. awards go to u. and yes, with our new modern lives and era of technologies, bloggies are considered new friends. Thank you for making friends with me. I thank you for your friendship. We chit chat someday ok?

*hugs*

vedd said...

So.. wanna renew the 15 years of friendship with a little reunion of the sorts? :D

Cosmic_GurL said...

XOXO - My pleasure babe! :)

Alex - Awwww..thats so sweet! We do see eye to eye, don't we? :P

sweettooth - Thanks for introducing me to new places to eat with hubby. Hehehe...

Azer Mantessa - Wow! Thats. Good. To. Know. Heh...

tiena - Spot on tiena! Sadly some adults couldnt grasp the concept..no matter how easy we think it is

diahariss - Yup, im very lucky indeed. Senang jer Dia. Buat baik kat org InsyaAllah org akan balas dgn baik jugak :)

DG - Yes I'm lucky to have such wonderful friends. Spouse should be your best friend but smtimes susah nak citer everything to your spouse especially kalau benda yang nak citer tu pasal your spouse! Hehehe...

Missy - Hahahaha! Mmg good friends you have there. Kawan2 I plak selalu "Agree to Disagree"

Guile - *Curtsy* Thanks for being my friend too :) Yup, let's chit chat one of these days kay

vedd - Ooohhh...idea very tempting. Maybe after hari raya we can gather the old gang and talk abt the good ol days eh? :P

suzequatro said...

you are so right darlin. and this song you are playing is super cool. have a good day and take care :) xox

Monster Mom said...

I tried to make new friends everyday... Although they are good friends, I still miss my old friends back in Malaysia....

Shopper Mom said...

we evolve, the need for different sets of friends arises as time passes. that doesn't mean that we need to drop old friends. but more often than not, without even realising it, we tend to do just that.

Theta said...

Hear ye, hear ye!
The best kind of friends, as you have written, is the one whom you can easily pick up where you have left off, a long duration of separation notwithstanding.

I truly treasure these kinds of friendships. And despite your foibles and flaws, they accept (and tolerate) you for who you are. Noone is perfect anyway!

I do believe though that we tend to gravitate to those people who share our ideals, inspirations and/or interests. When those interests diverge, it is time either to reassess and realign or to say goodbye.

Great food for thought, Cosmic Gurl ;)

Theta said...

Oops that should be aspirations, not inspirations. Typo :)

Nour said...

heyya,I believe when it comes to friendship, quality weighs more than the quantity.
BTW I like this entry of yours.

thewailer said...

the bridge is built by two, and it takes one to let it crumble without a clue :)

ps: a deep entry, appreciate it :)

diamond baby said...

yupp, we must have friends both old and new. loneliness can turned the most sanest people into crazy lunatics.

friends? I wont take no for an answer :D

superdzu said...

you're so lucky to have R in your life.i think i lost my R.she stopped calling me and we are now strangers.
dunno apa jadi...
:(

ardy said...

Yup, understanding is very important in a friendship. But most of the time we are just too selfish to realise that.

I really like what you wrote :)

Cosmic_GurL said...

suze - I love this song too! Kewl kan?

monster mom - Hujan emas di negeri orang, hujan batu di negeri sendiri..so hujan batu better la huh? :)

shopper mom - Yup, i have to admit sometimes I am guilty of dropping old friends..it's all unintentional of course. Priorities change and in time people drift apart...

theta - *Clap clap!* well said theta! U said it even better than me :P

nour - Yup, if ada ramai kawan but satu pun takleh nak harap tak guna jugak. Thanks dear!

thewailer - ure good with finding words that rhymes...hehehe

DB - Yeah I cant imgine being without friends in my life too..but must be careful when choosing friends la..jgn carik yang toxic :)

superdzu - Oh No! :(( Must be crappy kan?

Takper Dzu, u have so many nice ppl around u like Suze, Ifzan, the picwhore, Pijah and MOI! Anytime, anyday u need me, im there bebeh! :)

Ardy - Hey there! Thanks :)

Inn said...

i just read two good entry on friendship. Muddy's and yours. It took me the longest time to learn about burning bridges and letting go of one-sided friendship. I tend to hang on my old frens coz had belief it's so hard to make friends as we grow older. We're less trusting and we judge way too much...