F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

It’s so hard to maintain friendships nowadays.

Sometimes things we say which is meant as a joke could be construed wrongly and the other party gets hurt by it. Believe me, once it is spoken, damage is done and there is no way to take it back. For people who forgive easily, whose heart could not fathom of holding grudges for a long time then it’s easier to ask for forgiveness. But for some whose hearts are like stone, it’s not that easy. It could take days or even years for them to forgive you.

No matter how many friends you have, you could never be perfect at maintaining friendship.

A friend forwarded an email on friendship and it said,

“A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself”

I remember there was a point in my life when I felt alone, I had just broken up with my 1st ex who happened to be my very first serious boyfriend and it was my very 1st serious relationship. My self-esteem was very low, I felt unwanted and not worthy of being loved. I felt that the reason he broke up with me was because my family wasn’t as rich or esteemed as his, that I wasn’t as pretty as all the other lawyer chicks that he was befriending at that time and that I didn’t possess the same level of intellectual as he did. Friends were consoling me and telling me what a prick he was. That anyone would be lucky enough to have me as their girlfriend as I was smart, witty and that I have a great personality. Of course I didn’t believe a word they say. In my heart, I thought they were only saying all this to make me feel better. I’m not saying I don’t appreciate their kind words but after a while you tend not to believe it even though you know they have got your best interest at heart.

While I was feeling all sad and worthless, a friend, R, said that if I thought I was ugly then I should change the way I look. If I thought I was fat then I should loose some weight. She said, “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, you will achieve.” (I later asked her where she cedok the corny lines from and she said it was from Salt N Pepa...haha...).

R didn’t try to console me by singing praises to me. She said only I can get back my self-esteem. Only I have the power to make myself feel better. She stood by me and never let me give up. I would wake up suddenly at night and feel like crying my heart out and I would call her and she would just listen. She wouldn’t offer any advice unless I asked for it. Whenever I was whining about never finding a guy that could love me like how my ex loved me, she would tell me to shut-up and stop feeling sorry for myself. It was brutal yeah but it was the best thing she could've said to me that point in time.

R is now married with a daughter. We haven’t spoken for quite sometime but we know deep in our hearts that we are friends for life. We don’t talk for 3 months and when we talked it was as if we’ve just spoken to each other yesterday. She is the kind of friend that “You can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation that you ever had.” To me that’s the best kind of friend. I could always trust R to tell me the truth even when it hurts. For that I would always cherish my friendship with R until the day I die.

Do you often asked yourself what kind of friends that you would like to surround yourself with? Obviously not someone who punishes you when you don’t call but someone who understands that sometimes it’s just hard to catch up. Someone who understands that being married and having children is not an excuse for you to drop them out of your life. Someone who understands that just because a friend is single and you’re married, you never try to marry off your single friend and think that’s what they want too (unless they specifically ask you to set a blind date for them).

So you see, friendship could easily break down when both parties do not understand each other. When there is a breakdown in communication or when one party just do not bother to make the effort. When this happens, it’s better to just let go. There is no point in trying to fix the friendship when you’re the only one putting in the effort. Some bridges just need to be burned and not worth salvaging.

So I say, make new friends. I know for a fact there are plenty of nice people out there. You just have to make the effort. Strangers could surprise you sometimes. You never know until you make that first step.

*smile*