Tuesday, August 12, 2008

If you quit, does it make you a loser?

Karen: Tell me, if you were in my position, what would you do?
Harry: What position is that?
Karen: Imagine your husband bought a gold necklace and come Christmas gave it to somebody else...
Karen: Would you wait around to find out if it's just a necklace, or if it's sex and a necklace, or if worst of all it's a necklace and love? Would you stay, knowing life would always be a little bit worse? Or would you cut and run?

My friend found out her husband had slept with another woman. When asked why he did it, he answered because he was seduced, that it didn’t mean anything and that he was sorry. My friend cried till there were no more tears left. At one point she blamed God for giving her such “dugaan”. She knows it will be hard trusting him again. So she asked whether she should stay or cut and run.

In the end, she decided to stay in the marriage. After all, quitting are for losers. And she is not a quitter she says.

May God give her strength.

28 comments:

norbella said...

Berat lagi bahu memikul. My friend stayed bcos of her 2 kids... kalo hubby tu betul2 serik takper..ni makin menjadi2 pulak. U know this saying, Allah hanya menduga hambaNya yang mampu? I am still listening to her story praying for her well being and also for my own marriage.

Cosmic_GurL said...

norbella - yeah, ure right. We wouldnt know how it feels like unless we're also facing the same situation. nauzubillah...

Women mostly will stay becoz of the kids. My friend doesnt have any kids after being married for almost 6 years. So why do you think she stayed?

maszuzu said...

inferiority complex?? thinking that maybe she's not worth to others. i'm not married but one thing i know for sure quitting does not necessarily mean you are a loser, infect in this case the husband is the loser.

Yours Truly said...

Im not married..yet.. but i strongly believe that life is too short for us to make sacrifices and be miserable at the same time. We choose to feel what we want to feel..just my 2cents worth

akula said...

I'll quit and start a new `me' life, rather than not quit and be miserable for the whole life.

Theta said...

The lines at the beginning sound very familiar. Was it from that movie Love Actually? I distinctly remember the gold necklace thingy.

I guess there are various unknown reasons for her to stay or to quit the marriage. But without any kid yet to tie her down (does she?), she should opt for a dissolution. Unless of course her hubby is fully repentant about the whole affair, both of them should try to work it out. Noone knows what's going on through the guy's mind. In that case, she must follow what her heart says. Women's intuition is the best!

Cosmic_GurL said...

maszuzu - yeah the husb is definitely a loser in my opinion but then again different ppl have diff treshold of how much they can take...only she knows the real reason why she wants to stay in the marriage

yours truly - I hear you. In my friend's case I think the reason she stayed was coz she believed her husb has repented.

akula - I would do the same thing too

Theta - Yup from Love Actually. When Emma Thompson found out her husb gave a gold necklace to someone else...

She doesnt have any kids. She told me she believed her husb has repented but I know her. She really doesnt believe such. Maybe some people just do not want to go thru life being a divorcee...

The Pisces Man said...

Errrkhhhh.. this is one issue where I dare not comment.. To condemn the husband is like saying I'm so noble.. and to blame the wife would definitely be unfair, coz we don't really know the full story. I just hope for the best in their marriage and family. If possible, let past mistake gone under the bridge. Hopefully ada rahmah di sebalik kesilapan suami tu and the fact it was discovered by the wife (this early).

j or ji said...

Perempuan macam tu la yg i suka dan hormat.
Tidak mudah mengalah.Tidak pentingkan diri sendiri.Pemaaf.

semoga dia terus tabah.

AphroditeKuzz said...

not a quitter is one thing..but get even!!..please tell her that.

katakbesar said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
katakbesar said...

again and again
stories like this remind me of
the level of tolerance and sacrifice
woman/wife has been giving to her man/husband

fair? second chance?
cut that jantan's dick off
then you tell me what do you mean by fair
:!

Cosmic_GurL said...

TPM - To forgive is easy, but to forget i dont think it's that easy. I hope he learned his lesson...

jorji - Yelah tu..cuba jadik kat batang hidung sendiri..

kuzz - I can tell u right now shes not the "get even" kinda person...

KB - Ure da man! See what some women have to put up with?! And still these women persevere...

Najwa said...

cube kalo kes ni terbalik... what do u think the husb will do? Kalo kena div pasti isteri tu akan dikutuk mati-matian sekalian umat manusia. Tak akan dimaafkan!

I was in a trouble marriage and divorced. I just know I had to do it. Now I have a better married life.. Alhamdulillah. Guess, u get what u want in life sebenarnya.. its not selfish, it just make sense, at least to me.

pugly said...

Get her to order the WonderBelt from me.

P.S.: That's such a clich├ęd excuse.

kawaii_desu said...

what a tuff decision... and men are forever men... they are weak... dugaan sikit dah tumpas...

gravtkills said...

hmm susah gak tu...i wonder what i would have done if my hubby did that

valisaiskandar said...

Sher,
If it happens to me, I will kick him out of the house. No negotiation, no nothing.
Everyone always say a woman has to be taat to suami so masuk syurga bla bla bla, if u initiate divorce u will go straight to hel macamlah the husbands cannot go to hell atall. They should go to hell if they make our life now Hell no?
I don't understand your friend's line of thinking but it is her choice. It is her life and only she alone can live it.

jenipah lopes said...

Read this, its on the subject or smtng like that. Esp the comment.


http://blog.dcckmona.com/kehidupan/219/bagaimana-untuk-menerima-poligami-tolong-lah.html

Crash Test Mom said...

kalau tak nak get even pun, at the very least max out his credit cards ;)

Cosmic_GurL said...

najwa - Yeah somehow when men have affairs ppl would assume it's the wife's fault for letting herself go and what not...it is very unfair to presume such a thing.

Pugly - Hehehe...dijamin 100% ke husb tak menggatal lagi?

KD - Yeah sadly so..not all men i suppose but I guess to avoid all this iman kena kuat...

GK - Your wife you mean? Unless u swing the other way :P

valisa - I dont know what i wouldve done but I reckon I would do the same thing too...once the trust is broken that's it..no looking back...

JL - Yeah I read some of the comments. Iskh! Things like this is happening rampantly kan?

CTM - Kalau laki ader cc, yang takder tu?

Ms B said...

CG,

It all boils down to what we want in life, what makes us happy. We can stay or walk out, whatever it may be, we have stand by to our decision and make it work.

But if it was me, i'd turn the table and asked the partner, "what if it was the other way around? what would you do?" Now let's see what he'd respond.

ps: I've moved and changed my name.

shell said...

tough one..

but I'll leave him.

U.Lee said...

Hi Cosmic Gurl, Was at MsB's place noticed your callsign.
Read your this interesting posting and being a retired alligator, first of all what he did was wrong. No two ways about it.

Even if he goes on his knees, buys 5 dozen bouquets to say 'sorry', the damage has been done, and its a wound on her that will leave a very bad scar for life.
It will never heal. I know, I say from experience of seeing, knowing friends experiences.
She will never have that 100% trust in him anymore and he will know it.

Try telling her, "tomorrow night I have overtime in the office..."? She will raise one eyebrow.

However, yesterday, today, tomorrow, as the sun will rise, as we have to do our income tax, husbands and wives will cheat on each other...a recent survey here exposed 28% .

I am no Saint myself, and even though I have a wife who is really beautiful with a figure to die for, I still admire women. BUT.....strictly admire only as I love my wife like I met her yesterday.

There are many circumstances that will lead to cheating spouses...though I must admit SOME men, SOME women no need any excuses will still cheat.

Thru years of experiences of observations, one of the main factors contributing to this extra mural activity is...one, after the honeymoon moonlight and roses fades away, 3 babies arrive, financial, in-laws, work assignments, etc, etc...the marriage becomes abit yawwwnny.

2/ Wives tend to let themselves go, husbands too...I mean physically, they put on weight, lose their figure, the maid now better dressed than the wife, the husband looks like 6 months expecting, etc...
in short, there's no more fireworks.

3/ The wife meets a handsome boss or friend in the office, he sees his beautiful secretary everyday, both come home see each other and...well, I guess thats about it.

But don't get me wrong here...IT IS still wrong to cheat on each other.
One of the ways to prevent any yawnning after 7 years of marriage is to discuss, joke, ask, tell, hint to each other about lighting the bush fire again...

I was hurt once long ago, (I posted about it) by a lady I was about to propose in 2 weeks be my wife...I was overseas, she betrayed me. The only woman who ever made me cry and I can tell you it really hurts...that scar is still with me today.

Anyway, life is such, it is up to us to make things work before the whole house burns down.
Live life with no excuses, love with no regrets.

You have a great week and keep well, best regards, Lee.

The Pisces Man said...

Wei, check your gmail k! I've emailed u something that I promised b4, tq

Cosmic_GurL said...

Ms B - She asked the same ques too and the husb didnt answer. So I guess he wasnt thinking about it.

shell - I know myself so I would make the same decision as you but then again we can never be too sure.

u.lee - Wow! Very long and comprehensive comment. Hehehe..thank you :)

Cosmic_GurL said...

DPM - Thanks for the email :)

Lynn said...

My heart goes out to her.

Hmmm.... there's a reason why Bobbit got "bobbitted"....