Would You Like To Be My PASTA, baby?

Ever been hit by one of them awful pick-up lines before?

It happened a few years ago. I was out with 4 of my school friends, Jay, Kay, Elle and Em (of course bukan nama sebenar) and we decided to have a cuppa at Coffee Bean Jln Telawi, Bangsar. While we were sitting down chatting and laughing our arse off like nobody’s business (that’s what you get when you have 5 crazy single gurls on a nite out), these 2 really good-looking guys came in and it so happened that both of them are friends of Jay. They introduced themselves and one of them, Syed I think his name was sat right next to me. So I went about my usual friendly self and asked Syed a bunch of question about himself and he did the same thing and we hit it off. In the middle of the conversation, Jay got up and asked me to accompany her to the ladies. I knew something was up because that was a signal for us gurls. You don’t really need to ask a friend to accompany you to go to the toilet unless you wanna tell her that you can actually see her tits tilting the blouse or that the guy at the table is interested in you and wanna ask for your number. Since I was wearing a fairly decent blouse and there was no way you can see my tits from across the table so I figured Jay wanted to tell me that this Syed guy is interested in me. So I got up and we went to the ladies.

Jay then told me that Syed is married with a daughter and his wife expecting their second child. I was quite shocked because he doesn’t look like he’s married and there was no ring on his finger. So I asked Jay why she told me about Syed being married and all. She then said that Syed is a smooth talker and a charmer and that I should be careful not to fall for his tricks. Jay said that being married doesn’t stop him from having girlfriends on the side. Eh? Excuse me? We were only talking for about half an hour and believe me it takes longer for me to fall for someone. In any case, I thanked Jay for the warning and we went back to our table. Syed stood up and pulled out the chair for me like a true gentleman and I kept thinking no wonder women fall for this type of guys because small gestures like this do make a difference.

So we continued talking but I was a bit reserved and wasn’t as talkative as before for fear that I might send out the wrong signal. He noticed that and asked me what was wrong because I wasn’t as friendly as before. I then asked him if he’s married. He smiled and said yes he is and then asked me back is there anything wrong with having a conversation with a married man. Of course not I told him. He then turned to me and whispered softly,

“Sher, I have a very big appetite. I like to eat different things everyday. My favourite dish is fried rice. But I can’t have fried rice everyday, can I? Maybe I’ll have fried rice on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday but come Thursday I would like to eat something else like Mee Goreng or Fish and Chips or Pasta. So my question to you is, WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE MY PASTA?”

Oh-My-Gawd! I think my jaw must have dropped all the way to my knee when I heard what he said. LOL! That must have been the worst pick up line ever in the history of pick up lines!!! Would I like to be his PASTA??? I mean I almost wanted to ask whether I look like spaghetti or a fettuccini!

I was biting my lips so hard to stop myself from swearing at this man and I really felt like kicking him in the groin or slapping his face for making such preposition. But then I thought it would be a waste of my time and energy because this man is so not worth me getting all worked up for. Besides he’s not my friend I sure as hell won’t be seeing him ever again, not if I can help it.

After he asked me whether I would like to be his pasta, I looked at him, smiled ever so sweetly and answered, “I’m sorry but a man like you should only be eating fried rice for the rest of your life. Pasta is just too good for you and out of your league. Stick to something you’re used to.” I got up, excused myself and went to get another cup of ice blended. By the time I got back to the table he was gone.

I mean, seriously…WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE MY PASTA? Worst pick-up line ever!

P/s : Met up with Angel Eyes over the weekend. Goojas woman! Hehehe...