Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Of Motherhood...


I’m surrounded by pregnant women. Everywhere I turn there is bound to be a pregnant woman in sight. A very good friend of mine is pregnant. I just found out that one of my colleagues is pregnant as well. Don’t get me wrong. I am happy for pregnant women everywhere. I’m not being sarcastic here. I am truly happy for these people. I just wished it was me.

You guys have no idea how hard it is to get pregnant. Sex is not fun anymore. Well sometimes it's fun but most of the time it's not when you're trying to conceive. You’ll have to count the days when you’re ovulating and even when you’re not in the mood to have sex, you still have to do it because that is the right time to do it. And when your husband doesn’t ejaculate you get angry because if he doesn’t come then there is no way in hell you’re going to get pregnant. You get even stressed out when your husband tells you that you’re stressing him out by over-analysing things. But he doesn’t get it. No men will get how important it is for a woman to become a mother.

Sometimes you get frustrated because your ability to conceive depends on another person. It doesn’t make sense to think such a way because you can’t get pregnant on your own, right? But you can’t help but feel that way. You feel like such a loser because one thing you’re supposed to be good at which is motherhood and you can’t even do that.

I feel like such a loser sometimes. I feel like I’ve somehow let my parents, in-laws and husband down. People tell me not to think about it too much, don’t stress about it but how can you not think about it? The more people tell you not to think about it, the more you tend to over think it.

All I can do right now is hope and pray for a miracle.

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi ... been a silent reader of ur blog but today i feel the need to drop a line or two ...

Only a person in the same situation can understand how frustating it is & how stressed out this getting-pregnant-by-hook-or-by-crook thingie can be so i feel your pain ... It doesn't help when people around u keep asking "Bila nak bertiga?". We're trying GOD DAMN IT!!

Alhamdullillah, after all the clinical procedures, fights, the crying & masam muka while having sex plus oh so many doa, we've finally had our baby girl.

So, hang in there, be patient (esp with hubby), Insyallah the baby will come. All the best to you & hubby.

j or ji said...

dulu pun i&wifey kira lambat jugak dapat baby.dekat 2 tahun,baru wife pregnant.so,wife i pun selalu jugak rasa tertekan dan sebagainya.

tapi,selepas dapat baby,baru kami sedar yang tuhan memang nak kasi kami puas kesana-kemari dan berkasih-kasihan berdua dulu,berkenalan dan lebih memahami antara satu sama lain sebelum datang orang ketiga.

sekarang kami berkasih-kasihan bertiga pulak.(dgn baby)

jadi,miracle akan datang jugak nanti,insyallah.berusahalah!
baca surah maryam banyak2.

:)

Ms B said...

I wish I could give you a hug right now...

I may not be able to understand what you are going through. Our situation is unique from one another. Sometimes we feel our life is incomplete when others seem to think otherwise.

Of course in our society, there is no denying that some of them tend to make us feel inadequate. I can tell you to remain strong but hell, I'm living abroad and hence saved from those unwanted attention.

Just take a break dear...

ps: re the bag comment. I may earn enough but I share the same sentiment. >RM1000 for a bag! I am amazed by the blogs I discovered lately. *lol*

pugly said...

Your turn will be soon, don't lose faith just yet, Insya Allah ;-)

My brother & sister in law have been married for 5 years. Still no kid. One of my best friends has been married for 8 years. Still childless.

My aunt had been married for 13 years before she finally conceived.

& yes, they all want a kid just as badly. Rezeki je belum ada lagi.

Never stop praying & hoping, every single time. Maybe you can kirim sapa2 yang nak buat umrah suruh doakan rezeki you sekali while they're there.

sooz said...

like anon..hang in there :)

The Pisces Man said...

Cosmic, it's just the 3rd week of the year... heee... so, stay positive woman! :))

Anyway, all the best in your 'usaha' - semoga diberkati Allah...

maszuzu said...

beb, i have a friend who waited 5 years for their baby boy to arrive. so I'm not going to say I understand the feeling, as it is I'm not a wife, but I feel you. On another note, u get question "biler nak bertiga" I get "biler nak berdua" sigh...another sometimes a sicko question...

So insya Allah, with lots of prayers and love surrounding you..insya Allah your time will come

rozzdabozz said...

c_gurl,

am just puzzled...how come ur other half don't cum during the play?...

anyway...try lotsa watermelon before any play...might help sometimes..


cheers..

The Pisces Man said...

maszuzu...

I think it's very rude to ask a girl when are they going to settle down. So, ignore them zuzu.

I will never ask that to a woman..

Yatie Jamal said...

Been a silent reader too...

Saya pun pernah merasa apa yg CG rasa....The questions that people ask make the pain even worse....I used to refrain myself going to majlis keramaian such as weddings, kenduri kendara (especially potong jambul!) just to avoid the questions.

I even cried when I heard that my SIL bunting pelamin (During that time I've been married 1 1/2 years but still no news) and got pregnant before me....

My husband was my pillar of strength....even though he was also stressed out by the situation (his friend even jokingly ask whether he knows how to "aim" or not!...) You knowlah, orang lelaki punya jokes lagi pedas2....

So, hang on....never stop praying+trying...Allah knows what's best for you.


***Hugs***

Anonymous said...

hello dear..im a silent reader of ur blog too.. hmm.. have u ever considered of going to the doctor / fertility specialist? just a suggestion.. maybe they know certain types of medications / techniques yg boleh menambahkan peluang for u to conceive.. or, ambil anak angkat. i know this is not an easy solution for u n hubby but some initially childless couples i've met before have their own children after they adopted a kid..

tapi apa2 pun berdoa la byk2 padaNya.. Tuhan takkan menguji hambanya lebih daripada yang kita mampu.. my prayers goes to both of u.

Anonymous said...

Woman -- whatever happens, you are NOT a loser, ok? Esp. not in the eyes of your husband, parents and in-laws - remember, they're the ones who love you the most, those thoughts are not in their heads... Hang in there as best you can...

hugs,
banana

Amy said...

Sherry..need I say more? I think this is where I can safely say I understand what you're going through? The first 2-3 years tu I was very fragile tapi ni dah 5 years, not to say I tak rasa apa2 dah tapi kurang la rasa stress tu and I still get the nonsense questions which sometimes breaks me down..I just smiled it off and cry in another corner where nobody can see me. It's tough, only when you are in the same situation je baru rasa. *hugs* hang in there, jgn putus doa dan usaha :)

Valisa said...

*hugs*

maszuzu said...

tumpang lalu...the pisces man.. aaaa..finally, someone who is truly a gentleman....thank you...

katakbesar said...

hmmmm.. no fret.. semuanya kuasa Tuhan
and ada hikmah atas apa jua takdirNya
i.e. 2 tahun masih ok, try 7
plus, it's akhir zaman
and kita ni kira generation,
yang masa mudanya banyak sangat
tertelan air bergas agaknya.. hehe

Mrs.A said...

Cosmic_gurl,

My first came really easily after 4months of marriage. But I had to wait 8 years for the next. My daughter came after we went for umrah. Alhamdullillah. But with that, came lots of "dugaan". I guess because I promised Him lots of things that I did not fulfill. With latest "dugaan" , I came to realise that Allah remembers us because he did not forsake us. InsyaAllah I will strive to be a better person because of it. If you can, between you and your hubby, be truthful about everything and be forgiving to him and to yourself. It worked for me as I am preggers again. Forget abaut the counting of the days.. just let everything be spontaneous (and fun!) , and if possible do it every 2 days after your red flag is down. Good luck and God Speed!

D.N.A.S said...

Don't think too much about it. It's a good idea to take a break from 'making babies' for awhile and live life to the fullest. Try adrenaline pumping activities. Scuba diving, hiking and traveling should be good to your health and relationship with hubby.
Sometimes, when you take your mind off something - it will happen, insyaallah.

Acat said...

do or do not. there is no try.

and try.. and try and try and try and try.

after the enthusiasm dies a bit and u feel like giving up, u try some more.

and then if there's still nothing. it would be time for the dreaded check up. if the outlook is good. u repeat the process. if its not than it would be time to consider ur options.

good reference material would be friends seasons 9 and 10. and sex and the city the last season.

vain me said...

hi sherrie! i know exactly how you feel.. about counting the days till you ovulated and anticipating your period to come but praying hard that it wont.. to which i have decided to give it all up... to relax and take a break from trying.

maybe you could try that too... i am not pregnant yet so i cant say that it'll work but i suppose rezeki itu kuasa tuhan. im sure there's a reason why he not giving it yet.

so chill okay!

Cosmic_GurL said...

Hello everyone, thanks for all your kind words and support. I dont want to be whining abt not being pregnant but sometimes I feel like I need to let it all out.

It's good to know i have ppl who understands what i'm going through. Although it has only been 2 years but i still feel the pressure....biasalah, i'm getting older and ppl say it's risky kalau mengandung at a late age.

And yes, i am seeing a doctor and InsyaAllah everything will work out well. Thanks again everyone. Muahs!

Lynn said...

CG, I've learnt to accept that some things are beyond our control.

Have you heard that when you stop trying, it just works?

I've come to resign to the fact that if I'm stuck with one, then that's just my lot in life.

I do know how hard it is - especially to those who don't get how sensitive these things are. I feel like sticking their big ugly fat feet in their mouth sometimes!

Valisa said...

Sher, don't worry about the age thing - maybe you get more penat etc and you should be spoilt during your pregnancy teehee but I gave birth to Nabila when I was 32 and Quinten after I turned 40!
The only thing I am still complaining about is the fat around my belly refused to budge. Other than that, I am thankful and relieve that I have them at an age (or 2 ages) where it was supposedly dangerous and difficult.

J u l i a 。.゜✿ said...

babe..
try biodex.. or anything with lobata extract.
or try "Lady Top Secret Key Plus".

Anonymous said...

agree with some of the comments... it is a matter of fate (rezeki) from the Al-Mighty... but we have to work out for it!

there few other factors if I may throw into:

1. Conceiving is a biological process, meaning it will be regulated by many chemical factors such as, hormones, nutrients etc. Once the perfect environment is there, only then the fertilized ovum (if any) may be implanted into the uterus. Before that, it must be made sure that the husband's side (sperm counts, sperm normality - shaped etc) and wife's side (ovulation, womb etc) are within the normal range to help conception. If all these are ok, don't give up yet... may not be your rezeki yet.

2. This is related to the first. Since it is all chemical, in some case, adoption of baby will help the mother to conceive, probably due to the motherhood experience with the adopted baby. Your body starts to respond biologically... and more importantly the stress is lifted significantly... subconsciously, your body will get ready for the "second" pregnancy without your realizing it....

it is easy for me to say... we are blessed with 4 healthy children, and we need to have protected sex every time (in order to do family planning) since it is easy for my wife to conceive... alhamdulillah. No complaint from me...

finally, different people have different rezeki... some are blessed with physical wealth (money, cars etc), some with good health, some with children and so on... don't look for what we do not have, but please look at what we are HAVING now, and bersyukur... eventually, more blessing will come.

wassalam.