Al-Fatihah for Tok Ayah...

My grandfather, Tok Ayah passed away on Monday the 21st June 2010 at 11.45 am at the age of 83. I wrote about how the passing of my grandma (click here), Tok Yang had affected him so much. Before he died, he often cried himself to sleep thinking about my grandma. He missed her so much that after she died that he doesnt seemed to have a will to live.

Tok Ayah had diabetes. A very bad one. He had been struggling with the disease for a few years even before my Tok Yang passed away. It got worse after Tok yang died. He just didnt care about his health anymore, because Tok Yang wasnt around to lovingly nag him when he had more than a cup of teh tarik or a bar of chocolate. Losing Tok Yang was very hard for him. My Tok Ayah was a man of few words. He doesnt nag, he doesnt get angry and most importantly he was a loving grandpa.

When I was 10 and 11 years old, my parents left for US and UK to do their masters. They left me and my bro in my grandparents' care because they said that they couldnt bring all 4 of us with them.

When I was in Standard 4, I was schooling in the morning session and every Monday there was extra classes. So every Monday we had to go home at 4pm. There were 2 recesses, one at 10 am and another one at 1.30pm. Every Monday without fail my Tok Ayah would send a pack of nasi campur to me at 1.30pm and then he would pick me up from school at 4pm on his motorbike. I would hug him tightly where the journey from my school to my house took about half an hour. So from Mon to Fri, without fail Tok Ayah would pick me up from school and I would go home with him on his motorbike. I loved riding on his motorbike. It was like an adventure and sometimes when I was too tired I would actually fall asleep hugging him on that bike.

When I was staying with my grandparents, they fed me so well that 2 years after my parents came back from overseas they were shocked to see that their only daughter had put on so much weight that she was unrecognisable to them! My mom was shocked when she met me at the train station coz I was so fat! Hehehe...Well, what do you expect? When I was sad and missing my mom, my Tok yang would cook for me. I was never hungry when I lived with them.

I miss Tok Yang and Tok Ayah so much! Tok Yang was the one who started calling me "sherieza" and the name stuck until now. Whenever I went back to their place in Sg Petani, Tok Yang would already started thinking of what to cook for us. Tok Ayah would be sitting in his favourite chair and smiled and greeted us as we came through the door no matter at what hour. They would actually get out of bed and greet us at the door!

I regretted not visiting Tok Ayah so often after Tok Yang died. I was busy with my married life and I didnt spend as much time as I would like to with Tok Ayah. That was the only thing I regretted most. Tok Ayah was the gentlest soul I've ever known. Even when he was cheated out of his inheritance he was cool about it. He didnt fight or made noise because he believed Allah is Great and those people will get their punishment from god.

He was also an expert silat master. He was strong when he was young and could take out anyone easily, be it 1 or 10 men at one time.

My Tok Ayah was such a patient man. Do you know what he said when the nurses came to sponge bath him at blardy 5am while the aircond was in full blast? He said, "Takpalah, dah keja depa." The bloody doctor didnt even detect that he had pneumonia! How can one not contract pneumonia if one was given a sponge bath at blardy 5am and all clothes was removed while the aircond was blasting full force and one was not wearing anything for an hour???!!! Arrghh!! When my aunt told me all this stories it made me sooooo mad I felt like going to the hospital and punch the doctors and nurses there! But when all that was happening my Tok Ayah never complained. He simply took it. He didnt tell us how much pain he was in when the nurses was jabbing a tube down his throat to check for ulcers in his stomach, he didnt complain about how the nurses had woken him up for sponge baths everyday at 5am and he didnt complain about his bed sores while he was in the hospital.

His last words to my aunties before he slipped into a coma and passed away the day after was, "Jangan risau, Ayah okay". Even then he wanted to assure us that he was going to be okay. He went peacefully. In a way I'm happy he went because at least he wasn't in pain anymore but at the same time it was really sad losing him.

Rest in peace my dear Tok Ayah. Semoga Tok Ayah ditempatkan di kalangan orang yang beriman. My prayers are with you always. Al-fatihah...