Selamat Pengantin Baru my dearest Leen...

My best friend, Leen is getting married today. To a wonderful man, Azrin.

Congratulations Leen & Azrin.

Leen & Azrin,

Many people are going to give you advice on how to live, how to love and even on how to raise your children. I am going to give you advice on the path to a happy successful union, with just a few suggestions (not that I am an expert on the subject but I've lived long enough and heard too much to know it doesnt hurt to follow these advice).

Azrin, you need to sharpen your skills on … MIND READING…At no time and under no circumstances will the female let the male know what she wants.

The car is empty … Go fill it up. The bin is overflowing … go and take it out. The lawn is overgrown…. Go and mow it.

Whenever you’re wrong, admit it, whenever you're right, shut up.

The best way to remember an anniversary is to forget it just once.

Never be afraid that Leen will leave you, she has spent years training you and she won’t give that up lightly.

And...
Woman do really need a pair of shoes for every outfit.

Remember Azrin that you can never ever be more tired than Leen. Foot massages and back rubs must be performed on demand!

Leen, you need to remember… Men never need to ask for directions – they just drive around until they find the place.

Don’t mess with the remote control – it’s a guy thing.

Never interrupt a man whilst he is watching his sport.

Men and their gadgets – we’ll never work out why?

But on a more serious side :

Always love each other. Always respect and be there for each other. Remember that a husband and wife are indeed best friends. For good friends, come not with time, but with trust!

May the best day of the past be the worst day of your future.

May good fortune precede you;

May love walk with you.

May good friends follow you.

May you grow old together on one pillow.

Enjoy the moment…for as this moment is, may your life be…with happiness, love, excitement and children.

My love to the both of you.

Selamat Pengantin Baru Leen. Semoga Berkekalan Hingga Ke Anak Cucu.

Zap Zap and Awaaaayyyy!!

In a quest to have a body like Angelina Jolie and also because of an impending engagement, I decided to take a drastic measure yesterday afternoon.

I have been eyeing this product since last week when I was in Mahkota Parade in Malacca for the treasure hunt. When I came back from Malacca, I told my mom about this product and how I can loose several inches of my waistline by simply Zapping myself. No, it’s not an electric shock therapy. See, my mom believes that there is no easy way to loose weight and the only effective way was to EXERCISE. Urgh. How I dread that word.

It’s this new product by Osim called uZap. Imagine never having to do sit-ups anymore but still have that perfect toned tummy. Hehehehe...It zaps away unwanted fats at your tummy, buttocks, thighs etc. It’s a perfect product for someone who is allergic to “Exercise”. Yes, simply saying the word “Exercise” gives me hives. The guy who sold it to me said that I would see the result in 3 weeks time. It cost me blardy RM698!!

“Ah Beng, if I don’t loose 4 inches of my waist in 3 weeks time I am coming after you and I am personally going to Zap zap away your balls.”

So last night, I had zapped myself for 20 minutes. Every part of my body (ermm the upper part especially) was jiggling. It’s like they have a life of their own or something. So after the massage, I felt a little bit itchy around the tummy and a little sore (Ah Beng said it was a natural reaction, he better be right!). It’s too soon to tell whether this uZap thing works or not but I guess you’ll only find out in 3 weeks time.

What a woman wouldn’t do in the name of beauty. Sigh.

Of Boobies and Booties...

Confirmed that Boys will forever be Boys...no matter how old they are, Women with BIG boobies and round Booties excites them to no end.

*Smile*

Have a good weekend everyone!

Express Yourself

A BLOG IS FOR FREE EXPRESSION

NOT GOOD IMPRESSION...

It's a sad day when a blogger decides to stop writing.

PHAT and Loving It!

I came across this article on the net. So ladies, if your man says this to you then you know what it means. It is a subtle way of telling you that you need to loose some weight without them getting a bash on the head or sleeping on the couch for a month. Men are tricky creatures I tell you. Somehow it's okay for them to balloon up to 150 kilos (especially after marriage) but when we have that second helping or that delicious moist chocolate cake for dessert you can see their eyes rolling as if you're gonna be 5 kilos heavier after the meal. Such double standards. Hmmpphh!

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To embark on a mission to tell your girlfriend to lose some weight is among the most taboo rituals in the history of he said/she said. One false move, and you will forever live in infamy as the man who destroyed the hard work of many men over many, many years. On the other hand, successfully coerce your lady-friend into shedding a few pounds with some slick tongue-trickery, and prepare for immortality. We'll never need to blow kisses at bloated grannies again.

Speaking openly with your girlfriend about her weight is an intricate science. Women fall into two very distinct categories: those who feel fat, but look great, and those who feel fat, and are fat. It is crucial that you are mindful of this when walking the fine line between helping your princess become the sculpted beauty she can be, and poking her insecurity buttons with a sharp stick.

For you, it can be the difference between happiness and an untimely death. Treat it with the belief that every male is watching your every move. Because we are.

Make her want to do it

As much as we men have tried to reserve the right to fiddle and fuss about the shape of the missus, we must remember that our opinions about our women are just that: opinions.

One man's lump of coal is another man's diamond. If she is active, healthy and happy with her size, you best file your misgivings away. The worst thing you can do is swing below the belt. But if she is overindulgent and lazy, and her figure has paid the price, even our best girlfriends need a little help getting a weight loss regimen into full swing.

There are many backhanded ways to put the seed of becoming svelter in the mind of your honey.

• "I don't like the way that outfit looks on you anymore."

Every woman has a go-to getup. If you don't know it, you don't know her well enough to discuss her flabby stomach. The only thing that could ever change the way an outfit looks is the way it fits. Tell her you aren't sure why it looks odd, suggest a looser knit, and watch her forever skip the nachos with cheese.

• "I can't get over how fat I feel."

Women have been commiserating with each other for eons about the thickness of their thighs. If you launch a pity-party of your own about how heavy you feel, and let her know at every turn, she'll become fat-obsessed by osmosis. Women have been doing it to each other since the dawn of public washrooms.

• "Your friend isn't nearly as attractive since she gained that weight."

Be careful. Delivery is everything. Pick her homeliest friend and let your most outrageous BS fly. Pick an attractive pal, and you'll be explaining your wandering eye till you give her a ring. Focus on the improbable target, and she'll be thinking that if you find her bookworm buddy hefty, perhaps a diet should be on her docket.

• "I have a new female trainer at the gym."

She'll never suggest fewer trips to the gym, but it will drive her bonkers to think that another woman is spotting your squat thrusts. She'll sign up and show up within 24 hours just to keep an eye on you.

• "The saleswoman said it was for smaller women."

If you want your baby to shed some baby fat, spend a couple of bucks on a nice little fashion piece a couple of sizes out of her reach. If she is thin in your eyes, and the only thing telling her otherwise is a piece of clothing, she'll work morning, noon and night to fit into that cursed thing.

• "Let's help each other lose a couple of pounds?"

Let's face it. If you tell your girlfriend to lose some weight, she'll withdraw your all-access pass to her wonderful folds. But an honest commitment to work together to become fitter and shed some unwanted girth can only be met with the excitement that your investment in her is the same as what she is willing to invest in you. Losing weight is no small task. Make her sure you're worth it.

Keep her thin
Remember men, to influence her decision to lose weight while avoiding any sore feelings is to make everything about you. How you feel, what you think, what your opinion is; these are the things that will separate you just enough from the battle that is ultimately hers. The minute you make it about what you think she's doing wrong, you're dead meat, and we're all coming after you.

Weight loss takes time, so be patient. Now, all you have to do is keep that weight off yourself so you've got a leg to stand on...

p/s : Sheesh!

pp/s : This posting has got nothing to do with the boyfriend. He never stops me from eating. That's why I'm so PHAT. Hehehe...

Not A Good Friday

• It sucks when your boyfriend is angry at something or someone and he takes it out on you.

• Everything you say can’t pacify him. Keeping quiet is an option but then he might think you just don’t care.

• But when you say something that you think might help calm him down, he shoots you down with sarcastic comments. So damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

• Then afterwards apologised by saying he said all that because he was stressed out. But the things he said when he was angry really hurt your feelings. And he knows it too. He can’t take it back.

• You’re supposed to be this understanding girlfriend. But does that give him the right to say hurtful things without thinking the consequences of saying such words?
  

Arrrgggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Friday is supposed to be a good day! Today is not a good day for me. I am more sad than angry. I hate feeling sad.

p/s : Going on a treasure hunt tomorrow with my colleagues. Staying overnight in Malacca. This is my first experience treasure hunting. Just hope we don’t get lost. Hmmm…If we can’t figure out the clues, might as well pegi makan seafood kat Umbai.

10 Ways To Date Online Successfully

Seeing that I met the boyfriend online, I felt compelled to share some tips on Ways to Date Online Successfully. I am NOT saying I’m an expert la but I thought these tips were quite good and useful, for MEN especially.

Number 1 – Be Patient

The main thing to keep in mind is that an online relationship usually moves slower than conventional courtships. Therefore, you may want to hold off on asking her out.

If you feel as though you've struck gold with a certain someone, don't get overly excited. Read: don't fill up her inbox with notes and poems that express your admiration, and please don't jump at her the minute she logs on. Let the woman get situated; you're probably not the only reason she's turning on the computer.

Always Be A Gentleman. Although you're dating under a different context, a date is still a date, which means that regardless of the circumstances, you have to know what you're doing. Women will still judge you on your looks, interests, and how polite you are; distance should not deter you from being a gentleman.

Number 2 – Don’t Limit Yourself

Keep all your options open; don't disregard profiles without pictures. Your initial priority should be finding someone with similar likes and interests. Once you introduce yourself, she'll probably be more forthcoming with a photo anyway. But don't wait too long before asking; looks matter somewhat, and you don't want to find out at the last minute that she's the antithesis of what you're looking for.

Number 3 – Add A Personal Touch

A great way to stand out from the rest is to leave a personal mark on all correspondence. Whether it's by signing off in a certain way (using your full name or a nickname she may have given you) or ending on a personal note tailored specifically for her, don't just key in your file number when signing off. You're trying to develop a rapport with this woman, and that means reminding her that there is an actual human being who's interested in her on the other end.

Number 4 – Be Mysterious

The lack of physical interaction in online relationships

means there's a lot less information she's getting from you, so use that to your advantage. Don't type scads of information; instead, be informative while withholding certain pieces of the puzzle. For example, go ahead and mention that you're a real romantic, but don't divulge any specifics as to how you plan on wowing her. Intrigue her all the more!

Number 5 – Don’t Be a Cliché

Originality is key, so stay away from the more generic descriptions, as they have been ridiculously overused. No woman will be interested in a guy that likes "long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners, and champagne and strawberries." Speak from the heart; simplicity and honesty will take you a lot further in the end.

Since neither of you have body language to feed off of, try as much as possible to use colorful language when expressing your enthusiasm for a given topic. Women love it when guys pay attention to detail, so you may want to express yourself using plenty of adjectives (hint: replace "yeah... that's cool," with "yes, I read a book on that by so-and-so last year").

Number 6 – Use an Original Screen Name

Your screen name will likely be the first thing women see when sifting through candidates, so make sure yours is simple and easy to remember (e.g. Zuhri K, Alex Y.). Of course, this is not the time to become absurdly creative; calling yourself "Pimpdaddy6969" will likely kill any chances of landing someone who isn't a complete pervert, or hooker.

Number 7 – Don’t Allude To Sex

Remember, the same rules apply when it's an online romance. So unless you're looking solely for a one-night stand, postpone your more intimate disclosures until you actually meet. It's okay to flirt and dish out a double entendre here and there, just don't make it obvious that your hormones are on the verge of exploding.

And although communicating via hardware may tempt you into getting a little more "raw" with your prospect, keep things on the down low. Inviting her to continue your conversation

in a private chatroom is one thing, asking her to meet you on a "horny housewives" message board is quite another.

Number 8 – Be Realistic

In noting your long-term intentions, steer clear of anything remotely linked to marriage or children. You have yet to meet the woman, and you don't want to scare her before you even meet her (or worse, attract a "marriage-obsessed" psycho). Just say that you're looking for a friend, not the future mother of your children.

Number 9 – Proofread Your Profile

Among the cyber "turnoffs," nothing is worse than a person who doesn't bother to proofread those few lines before clicking "Send." If a resume typo could cost you a potential job, imagine what a few misplaced letters can do to your online love life. Do you want a potential mate to think you have the grammatical abilities of a 12-year-old?

Number 10 – Post a Good Picture

Before you even start to think about possible topics of conversation, have to make sure you have an eye-catching profile, one that flaunts your better side and leaves prospective suitors wanting more.

And please have the common sense to attach a decent picture of yourself; most women are looking for a mature and dignified man. So while a shot of you and your buddies on one of your tequila binges may seem funny to you, there's a good chance you'll be staring at a blank screen for a long time.

p/s : I know people say looks shouldnt matter but hey, in the real world it wouldnt hurt to look like Brad Pitt